The Biology of Dating: Why Him, Why Her?
Interesting book by author of Why We Love, Helen Fisher.
Find out:
• WHY you are attracted to certain people
• WHICH chemicals predispose your brain and your heart
• WHO is the best match for your personality type
• WHAT you should look for in a potential mate
• HOW you can use biology and nature to find real love
and more...
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Women Being Normal?
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being." Oscar Wilde said that. However, the first time I heard this quote was from a woman. Then I began to see other women on networking sites with this same quote. After growing up with girls and a recovering serial relationship artist, I tend to believe there is some truth to this quote. What scares the crap out of me though is that woman certainly do believe it and love that quote. Perhaps the quote makes them feel that they are a sweet anomaly for us men. But do women actually think they are abnormal when it comes to relationships and the social constructs of love? I find woman, let's just say challengingly perfect. But we still love you girls - that actually makes us even more perfectly abnormal.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Some Kind Of Wonderful-Kiss
I used to think Mary Stuart Masterson was pretty and this movie and scene was a romantic guide post in my teens as I started to create my own John Hughes moments...Uh, thanks to my sisters...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
MAN Of The House- A Candid Mini-Rant
Ok, so I’m in my thirties and I’m really the only man of the house now after my father passed away. Growing up the only boy obviously made me special, something I call the Lion King Syndrome, where when born everyone comes bearing gifts for the soon to be King who will one day rule the kingdom. Well for me the kingdom turned out to be more of a jungle of females. But how long does having a penis make you special? There comes a time in life when you have to prove you’re a grown up and a grown-ass-man, especially in house ruled by women.
How does a boy grow up to be a man in a house full of women anyway? Even one of my sister is huskier then I and has more tools in her car than I do. I think she wanted a drill for Christmas as a child… My friend had two brothers who all had interest different then mine. While we both liked playing sports like baseball, I would prefer playing cards then wrestling and listening to music then tackle football.
Now as an adult, I still go back to my mother’s house eat lunch and dinner quite often, for one to be with my mother and two, well it’s easier than cooking. Now my sister with the drill and my other sister who’s a nurse live with my mother. I think as a family we are going backwards… Are we not supposed to move away as we get older and not move back into the house where we grew up? The good thing is they are there for my mother. And I go visit everyday.
Ok, so I recently got some tools and I’ve become a handy man around the house. I also cook and clean more now, not just for my own place but for my mother and the family house. She’s finally benefiting from having so many kids. As I once heard someone say, Latinos don’t let any child go to waste, they’ll find some chore for them to do, no matter how old they are. As a Latino man, educated, and family oriented, I do try to rise to the occasion as a man within a house full of women. But unfortunately I am perpetually outnumbered.
How does a boy grow up to be a man in a house full of women anyway? Even one of my sister is huskier then I and has more tools in her car than I do. I think she wanted a drill for Christmas as a child… My friend had two brothers who all had interest different then mine. While we both liked playing sports like baseball, I would prefer playing cards then wrestling and listening to music then tackle football.
Now as an adult, I still go back to my mother’s house eat lunch and dinner quite often, for one to be with my mother and two, well it’s easier than cooking. Now my sister with the drill and my other sister who’s a nurse live with my mother. I think as a family we are going backwards… Are we not supposed to move away as we get older and not move back into the house where we grew up? The good thing is they are there for my mother. And I go visit everyday.
Ok, so I recently got some tools and I’ve become a handy man around the house. I also cook and clean more now, not just for my own place but for my mother and the family house. She’s finally benefiting from having so many kids. As I once heard someone say, Latinos don’t let any child go to waste, they’ll find some chore for them to do, no matter how old they are. As a Latino man, educated, and family oriented, I do try to rise to the occasion as a man within a house full of women. But unfortunately I am perpetually outnumbered.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
CHASING ALYSSA MILANO
I wrote a love letter to Alyssa Milano. The fact that she was the hottest teen actor at the time and millions of teenage boys wanted to meet her didn’t stop me from writing a very passionate and honest love letter to her. I thought perhaps I had a chance. That was only because I was about to actually meet her. Every Friday afternoon my friends and I would visit the set of Who’s The Boss. I’d become friendly with the guards, the page that worked there, even Tony Danza. After a while I didn’t even have to wait in line to get in. My parents would drop me off at 4pm and one of my sisters would pick me up around 10pm after the second taping of the show. It was Alyssa’s birthday and I thought it was the perfect day to give her that letter. I was invited onto the set by a friend after the show where they would sing happy birthday to Alyssa in front of a huge cake with a gazillion candles (really only about 11 or 12).
While some kids had posters of their teen heartthrobs on the wall like Kirk Cameron or Justine Bateman, I had mine right in front of me, smiling. I reached out my hand and said “Happy Birthday Alyssa.” I don’t think she noticed my shaking hands. We all started talking about nonsense. It was me, my friend, Alyssa Milano and the letter tucked away in my pocket. I don’t remember what the heck I was saying. All I could remember is thinking about the perfect time to give her that darn letter. I reached in my pocket, grabbed the letter and just as I was about to pull it out, Alyssa was called away by the director. Suddenly my friend also left to take a picture with another cast member. There I was alone letter in pocket. I decided to leave but I saw Danny Pintauro (Who played Alyssa’s brother on the show), standing alone with a piece of cake in hand. I had an idea. I asked Danny to give the letter to Alyssa and told him to tell her that the letter was from the boy she just met through our mutual friend and that it was very important that she get this letter on her birthday. Danny smiled politely and said “sure” in that prepubescent voice. My friend and I decided to leave.
We stood outside the studio for 45 minutes waiting for my sister to pick us up. Suddenly we see a white sedan pull out of the studio drive-way. In the back seat sat Alyssa Milano. At that moment my sister Vickie pulls up. She is the closest I had to having a brother, tough and beyond tomboy. We hopped in to my dad's orange station wagon. I told Vickie that Alyssa Milano was in the white car that was making a right on Gower Street. She looked back at us and said, “Well then, we should follow that car.” She slammed on the gas and we raced after the white sedan. She knew I liked Alyssa and I guess she thought… well I don’t know what the heck she was thinking to tell you the truth.
We were speeding up the 101 Freeway closing in on the white car. What was I trying to accomplish? This is stalking. What would happen when we caught up to the car? Was Alyssa supposed to step out of the car and run into my arms? Or was she going to throw her phone number into my window and signal me to call her that night? She would likely call the cops instead. We exited Coldwater Canyon and suddenly I felt that we were getting to close. “This is wrong” I said out loud. My sister slowed down and asked me if I wanted to stop or go after her. Even though the experience was like a car-chase scene from an 80’s movie like Weird Science and I was having an exciting time, I felt I had to stop. The truth was that my “chasing” had already taken place in a real way (and without being a 12 year old stalker.) While most admire celebrities from a far, I managed to bring my celebrity crush close, so close that I was able to meet her on her birthday and send her a love letter up close and personal. Well I never knew if the letter actually got to her and I’m sure it was one of a million she received (or maybe 1 in a million). The point is I made a fantasy come true in a real way, my innocent way. What was I actually expecting at age twelve anyway, that a TV actress and I would fall in love and live happily ever after? Come on! In my twenties I bumped into her at a local LA lounge. She walked past me and smiled. I nodded my head and smiled back with a drink in hand. I’m sure she didn’t remember one bit.
While some kids had posters of their teen heartthrobs on the wall like Kirk Cameron or Justine Bateman, I had mine right in front of me, smiling. I reached out my hand and said “Happy Birthday Alyssa.” I don’t think she noticed my shaking hands. We all started talking about nonsense. It was me, my friend, Alyssa Milano and the letter tucked away in my pocket. I don’t remember what the heck I was saying. All I could remember is thinking about the perfect time to give her that darn letter. I reached in my pocket, grabbed the letter and just as I was about to pull it out, Alyssa was called away by the director. Suddenly my friend also left to take a picture with another cast member. There I was alone letter in pocket. I decided to leave but I saw Danny Pintauro (Who played Alyssa’s brother on the show), standing alone with a piece of cake in hand. I had an idea. I asked Danny to give the letter to Alyssa and told him to tell her that the letter was from the boy she just met through our mutual friend and that it was very important that she get this letter on her birthday. Danny smiled politely and said “sure” in that prepubescent voice. My friend and I decided to leave.
We stood outside the studio for 45 minutes waiting for my sister to pick us up. Suddenly we see a white sedan pull out of the studio drive-way. In the back seat sat Alyssa Milano. At that moment my sister Vickie pulls up. She is the closest I had to having a brother, tough and beyond tomboy. We hopped in to my dad's orange station wagon. I told Vickie that Alyssa Milano was in the white car that was making a right on Gower Street. She looked back at us and said, “Well then, we should follow that car.” She slammed on the gas and we raced after the white sedan. She knew I liked Alyssa and I guess she thought… well I don’t know what the heck she was thinking to tell you the truth.
We were speeding up the 101 Freeway closing in on the white car. What was I trying to accomplish? This is stalking. What would happen when we caught up to the car? Was Alyssa supposed to step out of the car and run into my arms? Or was she going to throw her phone number into my window and signal me to call her that night? She would likely call the cops instead. We exited Coldwater Canyon and suddenly I felt that we were getting to close. “This is wrong” I said out loud. My sister slowed down and asked me if I wanted to stop or go after her. Even though the experience was like a car-chase scene from an 80’s movie like Weird Science and I was having an exciting time, I felt I had to stop. The truth was that my “chasing” had already taken place in a real way (and without being a 12 year old stalker.) While most admire celebrities from a far, I managed to bring my celebrity crush close, so close that I was able to meet her on her birthday and send her a love letter up close and personal. Well I never knew if the letter actually got to her and I’m sure it was one of a million she received (or maybe 1 in a million). The point is I made a fantasy come true in a real way, my innocent way. What was I actually expecting at age twelve anyway, that a TV actress and I would fall in love and live happily ever after? Come on! In my twenties I bumped into her at a local LA lounge. She walked past me and smiled. I nodded my head and smiled back with a drink in hand. I’m sure she didn’t remember one bit.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
"SEXING" CHRISTINA
I dedicated an R&B song to Christina Garcia. I was only 11 and I thought I could get my childhood love to at least like me. My older sister used to listen to R&B music and this one song in particular used to get her and her girlfriends to talk about boys in a way that I wanted Christina to talk about me. Things like “I wish he were here,” “He’s so cute,” “We danced to this song,” and others things I will not mention. So I stole the cassette tape from my sister’s silver boom-box with the huge speakers, put on my Casio watch and headed over to Christina’s house where a few of us from school were gathering for an afternoon. Yes, her mother was home but we were all hanging out in the family room where we could just be kids in private and play Atari. All I could think about is pulling Christina away into the den where the stereo was, play the cassette, and dedicate the song to her. Finally, with enough courage I told her to follow me into the den.
There we were all alone in the den. It was the moment of truth. I inserted the white cassette into the tape deck, pressed play, and said, “Christina I dedicate this song to you.” The song started playing, loudly. Christina looked at me with confusion and embarrassment. I suddenly felt my blood rush through my veins making me dizzy. In comes Christina’s Mother, Mrs. Garcia, “What the heck is going on in here?” she said with urgency. I told her I was just playing a song I wanted her daughter to hear. She quickly ejected the tape, then paused and looked at the tape for a moment. She then started to walk away and said she would make sure my mother got the tape back. Although she didn’t ask me if the tape was mine or not, I guess she realized an 11 year old couldn’t be the owner of such music. She ordered us to go and play with the other kids. After the initial fear subsided, Christina smiled at me from across the room. It was magic. I also remembered that for one moment while Mrs. Garcia held the tape in her hand she had a slight smirk on her face. It turned out that Christina’s mother loved that artist and song. In the end, I scored! Well not in that way, but in a way that was going to live on in my heart for a very long time. It was a scary road I took but I got Christina to smile at me and later I heard her girlfriend say that Christina thought I was “cool.” Sometimes you just have to take a risk, not give a sh*t and go for the one you want. I also realized that no matter the age, most women cannot resist a soulful song dedication. This is the song I dedicated to Christina.
There we were all alone in the den. It was the moment of truth. I inserted the white cassette into the tape deck, pressed play, and said, “Christina I dedicate this song to you.” The song started playing, loudly. Christina looked at me with confusion and embarrassment. I suddenly felt my blood rush through my veins making me dizzy. In comes Christina’s Mother, Mrs. Garcia, “What the heck is going on in here?” she said with urgency. I told her I was just playing a song I wanted her daughter to hear. She quickly ejected the tape, then paused and looked at the tape for a moment. She then started to walk away and said she would make sure my mother got the tape back. Although she didn’t ask me if the tape was mine or not, I guess she realized an 11 year old couldn’t be the owner of such music. She ordered us to go and play with the other kids. After the initial fear subsided, Christina smiled at me from across the room. It was magic. I also remembered that for one moment while Mrs. Garcia held the tape in her hand she had a slight smirk on her face. It turned out that Christina’s mother loved that artist and song. In the end, I scored! Well not in that way, but in a way that was going to live on in my heart for a very long time. It was a scary road I took but I got Christina to smile at me and later I heard her girlfriend say that Christina thought I was “cool.” Sometimes you just have to take a risk, not give a sh*t and go for the one you want. I also realized that no matter the age, most women cannot resist a soulful song dedication. This is the song I dedicated to Christina.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Kotex Caper
The deal was that I could use my sister’s car to practice for my driver’s test if I took her to the store to pick up Tampons. That sounds pretty easy right...? Except Vickie didn't say I was the one who had to go in and purchase this feminine hygiene product. There I was 16 years old hesitantly walking down the Drug Emporium feminine hygiene aisle, full of products for issues I had never heard before. Yeast? That’s what you use to make bread right? “Vinegar?” Wings? "What the hell’s going on" kept echoing in my head. Overcome with my own anxiety induced cramps, I searched the shelves for the this much needed product. My job was simple, “Just get the tampons in the blue box with the bird on the front.” Do you know how many female products came in a shade of blue featuring flowers and seagulls on the front of them? After 15 minutes of torture and brain pain, I made a final selection: A Kotex box, blue, with doves flying through clouds. It was quit peaceful looking really. And hey Doves are birds right? So I grabbed them. I just wanted to get out of there. Suddenly I saw Christina Garcia, the love of my life (Although she didn’t know it) at the end of the aisle with her mother. My heart stopped and I freaked out, my hand frozen holding the tampons! I instantly shoved the box into my “Members Only” jacket. The last thing I needed was the nickname, "man-struate." At that moment, little did I know that the overzealous security guard witnessed this attempted robbery (so he thought).
“Hey you! Kid, come here!” he yelled. I panicked and darted for the exit. Surely I could explain my situation to the guard once I was safe out of the aisle away from Christina. But my running only incriminated me even more. The guard caught up to me and I was tackled to the ground. He dug his hands into my jacket and pulled out the huge embarrassment that was the box of Kotex. His bulged eyes had the “WTF?” expression. I wanted to grab his gun (if he had one) and shoot myself in the face. There I was, lying on the floor, the guard on top of me holding the Tampon box. What a nightmare. Five months later I got my driver’s license and all “charges” were dropped including that of my ego. I got to drive Christina to the movies and all was good. She didn’t even mention the incident maybe she didn’t see me or didn’t have the heart to bring it up. I did get a bit worried when she asked me to drive to Drug Emporium to pick up “something” for her mother after the movie but it turned out to be just Tab and ice. If ma did need a box of Kotex, I surely could have helped her find it. I was now an expert.
“Hey you! Kid, come here!” he yelled. I panicked and darted for the exit. Surely I could explain my situation to the guard once I was safe out of the aisle away from Christina. But my running only incriminated me even more. The guard caught up to me and I was tackled to the ground. He dug his hands into my jacket and pulled out the huge embarrassment that was the box of Kotex. His bulged eyes had the “WTF?” expression. I wanted to grab his gun (if he had one) and shoot myself in the face. There I was, lying on the floor, the guard on top of me holding the Tampon box. What a nightmare. Five months later I got my driver’s license and all “charges” were dropped including that of my ego. I got to drive Christina to the movies and all was good. She didn’t even mention the incident maybe she didn’t see me or didn’t have the heart to bring it up. I did get a bit worried when she asked me to drive to Drug Emporium to pick up “something” for her mother after the movie but it turned out to be just Tab and ice. If ma did need a box of Kotex, I surely could have helped her find it. I was now an expert.
Monday, May 4, 2009
ON, "TOP" OF GIRLS
I used to call my T-Shirt a “Top.” As a boy, that was so embarrassing.
When I was in seventh grade, I was hanging out with a bunch of boys and I spilled some soda on my T-Shirt. However the words that came out of my mouth were “Oh shoot I spilled some soda on my TOP” The boys looked at me funny. One corrected me, “Your T-Shirt?” Thank god they were clueless about women in general and especially the terminology used for articles of clothing. Since then, I knew I was growing up with girls… and that girls had a whole different vocabulary than I. I was just a boy trying to figure out what the heck was going on… Lesson: Know your audience. J
GIRLS SPEAK CHINESE
Girls have a very unique way of communicating... at least to us men. They can say a thousand words with their silence... Ugh. Sometimes I can't stand it.
When I was a year old my sister (five years older) used to poke my eyes out. Later my mother told me that was her way of communicating and reaching out to me since she didn't know what to make of her new baby brother. Ever since then women have been "poking" my eyes out. Sometimes their way of communicating just "hurts."
Some woman to English translations (Men take note):
1. Pure Silence=This could mean anything but it's usually not good. So be warned
2. "No, nothing is wrong" = Yes, something is wrong and it's our (men) job to find out.
3. "I want to go out with the girls (or dancing)= I've had a long week and I need to feel beautiful and would love some attention, if it's from some men, so be it. (And if she talks about having an Apple Martini as of Thursday night, really look out men, you won't be seeing her on Friday.)
4. "I'm seeing/dating him"=I’m sleeping with him in consideration for a serious boyfriend.
5. "Whatever you want is fine"= We are going to do what I want but I don't want to sound "bitchy" or "demanding" OR, "Make a freak'n decision and offer me some options so I can decide!
Women, just be honest and clear. We can take it. The guy/man will want to give you all that you want if he's worth keeping. Speaking Chinese will only prolong the process of getting you what you want, and will cause men to be so frustrated to the point that they will not want to give you what you want in the end... I experienced the most peace and harmony when my sisters or past relationships were direct and clear with what they wanted. We also got along as a family and with so many siblings, and five of them being female, that was an accomplishment!
(Stay tuned for my Men translation including some of the above 5 sayings)
MANNYCURE
No, I'm not talking about a manicure or about the Dodgers home-run hitter, Manny Ramirez...
Girls, Men can not solve your problems and they can not cure a broken heart, a deficient self-esteem, or insufficient self-value, and "be" your happiness. I know most women may think they do not feel or believe that they themselves need a man...or they may change the word "need" to "want" in order to feel better about their "need" and often futile search for Mr. Right. But a loving relationship begins with a loving relationship with yourself first. In the end, marriage is not a goal or a destination. It's the product of a loving and romantic relationship. It's the result of two people committing to each other and their new creation called "US." Both men and women bring their unique gender perspective and talents that together will sustain a successful union. The paradox however is that both men and women "need" each other. It takes two to support the relationship, to create it, to nurture it, to sustain it's life... after all just like a flower, plant, or human, it is a living organism that continues to grow and bear for you the wonderful fruit of life and love.
My whole life women have been my support, love, and source of happiness. I was raised by five quirky and loving sisters and a nurturing mother. Women are also a source of drama and chaos. But I wouldn't have it any other way… Well maybe with less drama and chaos.
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