Have a loving and successful 2013. Make it count!
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Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
THE TRUTH
I'm often misunderstood, personally loved, chronically praised, but seldom appreciated... Interesting no?
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
TOP 11 CHICK FACEBOOK POSTS
11. Picture of the Sky on a mountain-top where she hiked along with a philosophical quote.
10. At airport off to anywhere with the caption “Goodbye LA!”
9. Checked in to anywhere and everywhere. Clubs and Restaurants especially.
8. Pro Girlfriend Quote “A friend is someone who you can talk shit to and they still love you.”
7. Picture of a their 6 year old nephew with the quote “Out with my “lil” man.”
6. Miscellaneous Grateful Quote “ I feel so blessed” (Picture of a alcohol drink & Friend).
5. Pro-Female Quote that ends up bashing men. “Who needs a man, when you have a bath
tub and a glass of wine...” (From someecards)
4. Picture of the Gym and the quote “No pain no gain, p.s. its 7am”
3. Some Basic Spiritual-Life Lesson Quote like “You get what you put in...” Or "If you love
someone set them free."
2. Picture of Food: Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, especially Desserts!!! with "I love food, makes a girl
happy!"
And the number one Chick Facebook Post, of all ages, races, and status.....
1. A Picture of Themselves in a Bathroom Mirror with “Duck” lips.
Friday, December 7, 2012
SHE SAID THIS...
Female friend shared this quote:
"We met for a reason, either you're a blessing, or a lesson."
I don't normally like soft sayings that don't realistically relate to real life, but if it inspires thought about real life then I like it!
"We met for a reason, either you're a blessing, or a lesson."
I don't normally like soft sayings that don't realistically relate to real life, but if it inspires thought about real life then I like it!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
WOMEN ARE IN CHARGE!
19, possibly 21 women in the Senate now. Highest ever! Also record number of women voted today more than men who helped elect president.
(And they often rule my life ;) ...)
Women are in charge. Look out!
(And they often rule my life ;) ...)
Women are in charge. Look out!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Ugly Is In-Lives!
Ok, this is getting ridiculous now.. after tonight and the countless inequality among couplets. Why are all the pretty, good girls, dating non-attractive simpleton men? You go girls!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
UGLY IS IN
“What the ‘Eff”! “Why him?”
Ugly is in the eye of the beholder... I don't mean to be mean when i use the word “ugly.” What I mean is that there appears to be an increase of beautiful women dating seemingly goofy, not very attractive, out of shape “Plain Joe's.” I know what a man does for a living and financial stability is high on most women's mate list so I'm assuming these men should be up to par. Although in my personal experience these “ugly-ducklings” coincidentally all seemed to hold positions in the financial industry, i.e.. loan officer, investment banker, and sometimes real-estate. These are all good gigs no doubt and the truth is that there are all types in all industries (Obviously).
Growing up with 5 sisters I’ve seen a variety of men-types and ethnicities go after their affection. But out in the world most males hear women talk about that hot guy with the sick pack, strong jaw, and of tall stature. Other attributes high on the female “hot” list are a great sense of humor, ambition/drive, status, and of course loaded with moola$. I must admit humor, clever thinking, and ambition has gotten me plenty of pretty ladies.
But now me (and many male friends) are seeing and meeting pretty ladies with great personalities and careers dating and marrying the “Plain Joe”. Ok maybe he’s rich, nope. Maybe he’s funny? Well after several evenings with the last “Plain Joe,” answer is nope. In fact recently one lady’s husband was so childish and socially inappropriate that his jokes were offensive. It was painful to watch. He was also not in shape, not good looking and worked in a mid-level position at a commercial bank. So why did she marry him? Men of all ages have been reporting “She was so beautiful, then I see her boyfriend and i’m like what the hell?” Pictures of couples being posted on Facebook also providing evidence of this phenomena causing men of all ages asking the question, “What the ‘Eff”! “Why him?”
I know there are many variables to attraction and bonding such as Familiarity, Proximity, Commonality, self insecurities and upbringing. All of these contribute to finding someone more attractive than not. Combine that with some chemicals like dopamine and you very well may have yourself a relationship. Psychology, Biology, Sociology, and Evolution have always been the driven force creating relationships since the beginning of human mating. But why him? I guess the answer after dozens of conversation with these women could be summed up in one word... He is SAFE.
Safe can have many meanings depending on the woman. Safe often accompanies phrases like he “treats” her well and he’s “nice and non-threatening.” A good female friend told me that she dated “ugly” guys on purpose because they treated her the best and she felt less threatened and insecure with those types than their more “attractive”counterparts. Elements that eventually make the female “secure” in a variety of ways.
What’s ugly anyway? It’s in the eye of the beholder. I know for most men, physical beauty is important and relative. Thank God visual and physical good-looks are not as important to women as they are to men (generally speaking). And I use the word ugly only to be sarcastic. In a world of materialistic gratification, this “Ugly” phenomena is a refreshing reminder that women are looking beyond the superficial fancy cars and materialism and towards more important characteristics like honesty and plain old “niceness” instead. (Although financial stability still falls high on the list no matter what people say).
Good news for me is that if “Ugly” is in, then i should be cashing in on the pretty ladies..
Wait, I think I just gave myself a lonely compliment.
Ugly is in the eye of the beholder... I don't mean to be mean when i use the word “ugly.” What I mean is that there appears to be an increase of beautiful women dating seemingly goofy, not very attractive, out of shape “Plain Joe's.” I know what a man does for a living and financial stability is high on most women's mate list so I'm assuming these men should be up to par. Although in my personal experience these “ugly-ducklings” coincidentally all seemed to hold positions in the financial industry, i.e.. loan officer, investment banker, and sometimes real-estate. These are all good gigs no doubt and the truth is that there are all types in all industries (Obviously).
Growing up with 5 sisters I’ve seen a variety of men-types and ethnicities go after their affection. But out in the world most males hear women talk about that hot guy with the sick pack, strong jaw, and of tall stature. Other attributes high on the female “hot” list are a great sense of humor, ambition/drive, status, and of course loaded with moola$. I must admit humor, clever thinking, and ambition has gotten me plenty of pretty ladies.
But now me (and many male friends) are seeing and meeting pretty ladies with great personalities and careers dating and marrying the “Plain Joe”. Ok maybe he’s rich, nope. Maybe he’s funny? Well after several evenings with the last “Plain Joe,” answer is nope. In fact recently one lady’s husband was so childish and socially inappropriate that his jokes were offensive. It was painful to watch. He was also not in shape, not good looking and worked in a mid-level position at a commercial bank. So why did she marry him? Men of all ages have been reporting “She was so beautiful, then I see her boyfriend and i’m like what the hell?” Pictures of couples being posted on Facebook also providing evidence of this phenomena causing men of all ages asking the question, “What the ‘Eff”! “Why him?”
I know there are many variables to attraction and bonding such as Familiarity, Proximity, Commonality, self insecurities and upbringing. All of these contribute to finding someone more attractive than not. Combine that with some chemicals like dopamine and you very well may have yourself a relationship. Psychology, Biology, Sociology, and Evolution have always been the driven force creating relationships since the beginning of human mating. But why him? I guess the answer after dozens of conversation with these women could be summed up in one word... He is SAFE.
Safe can have many meanings depending on the woman. Safe often accompanies phrases like he “treats” her well and he’s “nice and non-threatening.” A good female friend told me that she dated “ugly” guys on purpose because they treated her the best and she felt less threatened and insecure with those types than their more “attractive”counterparts. Elements that eventually make the female “secure” in a variety of ways.
What’s ugly anyway? It’s in the eye of the beholder. I know for most men, physical beauty is important and relative. Thank God visual and physical good-looks are not as important to women as they are to men (generally speaking). And I use the word ugly only to be sarcastic. In a world of materialistic gratification, this “Ugly” phenomena is a refreshing reminder that women are looking beyond the superficial fancy cars and materialism and towards more important characteristics like honesty and plain old “niceness” instead. (Although financial stability still falls high on the list no matter what people say).
Good news for me is that if “Ugly” is in, then i should be cashing in on the pretty ladies..
Wait, I think I just gave myself a lonely compliment.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
FROM THE WOMAN
GMT: ...Yes I see the beauty in all women...
SMART WOMAN: Yes that's fine, but the issue is that the woman you're with knows you see the beauty in all women.
GMT: Hmmm.
SMART WOMAN: Yes that's fine, but the issue is that the woman you're with knows you see the beauty in all women.
GMT: Hmmm.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
WOMEN'S "PSYCHOSIS"
Men! Eventually you're gonna have to surrender to a woman's psychosis if
u want to be happy. Don't worry, u can still secretly think they r crazy.
;). Women, please help out tho!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
LADIES, PHOTOS, AND FACEBOOK
Ladies, Ladies...SMH... One In Four Women Deliberately Posts Unflattering Pictures Of Facebook Friends, Survey Find: Click Link: Huffington Post.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/03/one-in-four-women-unflattering-photos-facebook_n_1646499.html
Thursday, June 28, 2012
CHEATING!
CHEATING
I spent two hours over drinks with several respected men talking about their experience being the “other guy” and having had sex with married women or women with boyfriends. Yes, I had stories myself to contribute that I’m not proud of. I even wrote a monologue in my play LOVE LETTERS TO WOMEN, called Girls NIght Out, where, well you know I describe what I did with a married women when she was out with her girlfriends and how I felt about it. I just have to say, it was all the erotic sexual scrap you can imagine, and all the guilt and shame you would suspect. It’s awful no matter what side you’re on if you’re a decent person. At some point I realized some of the men there tonight at the table started to feel a sense of sadness. Or perhaps disappointment and shame when the reality set in. Hope and security suddenly became threatened to them as they shared their stories and imagined their future or current wives. Yes, women are people too. Yes, men and women both cheat. It’s not a gender thing, I feel it’s a character thing. And for some of my male friends it’s a human thing. I still haven’t subscribed to that human thing yet. I believe it’s a character thing. I feel there’s no need to cheat. As my sisters have always told me... just break up with the person you are willing to cheat on. Save your soul, self-respect, and be kind to the person you claimed to love for so long for whom you find yourself “out of love”. Just leave before you dive into another man’s bed. It will enhance your life and your mates. Believe me. But I guess for some people it’s easier said than done. Many un-evolved people (yeah i said it) try and have their cake and eat it too. But Cake is fattening, yeah it can taste good, but has no nutritional value, and most people pass on a slice.. leaving always a cake that’s half eaten becoming stale and old and well, nasty.
I’ve learned my lesson many years go...and I hope I can detect those cake eaters from the one’s who want to bake.
If you’re interested in hearing the steamy details of real life cheating stories... just ask and I and my male and female friends have agreed to share on Facebook and on my blog mylifewithgirls.com. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s therapy for them. But all you have to do is ask. And they’ll share.
I spent two hours over drinks with several respected men talking about their experience being the “other guy” and having had sex with married women or women with boyfriends. Yes, I had stories myself to contribute that I’m not proud of. I even wrote a monologue in my play LOVE LETTERS TO WOMEN, called Girls NIght Out, where, well you know I describe what I did with a married women when she was out with her girlfriends and how I felt about it. I just have to say, it was all the erotic sexual scrap you can imagine, and all the guilt and shame you would suspect. It’s awful no matter what side you’re on if you’re a decent person. At some point I realized some of the men there tonight at the table started to feel a sense of sadness. Or perhaps disappointment and shame when the reality set in. Hope and security suddenly became threatened to them as they shared their stories and imagined their future or current wives. Yes, women are people too. Yes, men and women both cheat. It’s not a gender thing, I feel it’s a character thing. And for some of my male friends it’s a human thing. I still haven’t subscribed to that human thing yet. I believe it’s a character thing. I feel there’s no need to cheat. As my sisters have always told me... just break up with the person you are willing to cheat on. Save your soul, self-respect, and be kind to the person you claimed to love for so long for whom you find yourself “out of love”. Just leave before you dive into another man’s bed. It will enhance your life and your mates. Believe me. But I guess for some people it’s easier said than done. Many un-evolved people (yeah i said it) try and have their cake and eat it too. But Cake is fattening, yeah it can taste good, but has no nutritional value, and most people pass on a slice.. leaving always a cake that’s half eaten becoming stale and old and well, nasty.
I’ve learned my lesson many years go...and I hope I can detect those cake eaters from the one’s who want to bake.
If you’re interested in hearing the steamy details of real life cheating stories... just ask and I and my male and female friends have agreed to share on Facebook and on my blog mylifewithgirls.com. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s therapy for them. But all you have to do is ask. And they’ll share.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
FOOD FOR THOUGHT (Food and Females)
Wow, women truly LOVE food. It's amazing. To them It's an experience, an outing, a full-on pleasure event. They look forward to it and get ready when they go out to eat. Watching them eat something delicious is close to porn, with their moans and “mmms,” and licking of the lips. They even take pictures of the food and post them on facebook. They even add a one-liner describing how that Cheesecake or Enchiladas made them feel and how much they love what they just ingested and allowed into their bodies. I'm jealous of food....;)
Friday, June 22, 2012
ON "TOP" OF GIRLS
I used to call my T-Shirt a “Top.” As a boy, that was so embarrassing.
When I was in seventh grade, I was hanging out with a bunch of boys and I spilled some soda on my T-Shirt. However the words that came out of my mouth were “Oh shoot I spilled some soda on my TOP” The boys looked at me funny. One corrected me, “Your T-Shirt?” Thank god they were clueless about women in general and especially the terminology used for articles of clothing. Since then, I knew I was growing up with girls… and that girls had a whole different vocabulary than I. I was just a boy trying to figure out what the heck was going on… Lesson: Know your audience. :)
When I was in seventh grade, I was hanging out with a bunch of boys and I spilled some soda on my T-Shirt. However the words that came out of my mouth were “Oh shoot I spilled some soda on my TOP” The boys looked at me funny. One corrected me, “Your T-Shirt?” Thank god they were clueless about women in general and especially the terminology used for articles of clothing. Since then, I knew I was growing up with girls… and that girls had a whole different vocabulary than I. I was just a boy trying to figure out what the heck was going on… Lesson: Know your audience. :)
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
THINK LIKE A WOMAN
After living with 5 sisters, you'd think I can write a book called "Think Like A Woman" a counterpart to "Think Like A Man," but the mind of the woman is still unknown... even by most women. (JK)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
YOU!
Judgment and Complaints don't look good on you. However, you look Beautiful in Appreciation and your ability to Inspire Change...
(motivated by lesson's learned growing up around so many women, young, old, classic, and new generation...)
(motivated by lesson's learned growing up around so many women, young, old, classic, and new generation...)
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
WHY YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, WOMEN (or Married to The Woman You want, men)
I found 2 articles from Tracey McMillon. The first is for women, the second is for men. Enjoy and hope you get passed the initial shock of the section titles, because it's not what you think.
FOR WOMEN: The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on. So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you're not married.
1. You're a Bitch. Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off. The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.
2. You're Shallow. When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit. Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.
3. You're a Slut. Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long. That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.
4. You're a Liar. It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now." You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear! About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.
5. You're Selfish. If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems. Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.
6. You're Not Good Enough. Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job. Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this. I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry. Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
FOR MEN Well, you want Her, with a capital H. The sexiest, most beautiful, smartest, most resourceful, desirable woman you can get. But that's the problem, isn't it? You can't get her. And here are the reasons why:
1. You're a dick. It kind of goes without saying, women want to be with a guy who is nice to them. (Though the first and probably biggest sign you're a dick is that you don't believe this.) But when you are sarcastic, argumentative, or contemptuous of a woman's lady-ways—the messy friends, the astrology-talk, the big, big emotions—you're not being nice. Even if you open her car door on dates. Being a dick is when you're so self-centered, you think your ideas are pretty much the only worthy ones and you secretly believe other people are inferior to you. Not that you know you think this. Like your female counterpart, the Bitch, you'd rather believe other people just can't handle how awesome you are. And you're right. All that awesomeness sucks, actually. In any case, if you want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks and acts just like you, why not start fucking your dude friends?
2. You're a pussy. It's not fair to women that calling a man a pussy is considered an insult. Because we women love and cherish our pussies, just as you do. But that said, you know what's meant by this: You're a guy who is taking it, not giving it. Day to day, this translates to letting yourself be pushed around—by your boss, by telephone tech support people, and of course, by women. I know my gender studies friends are going to get mad at me for saying so, but a whole lotta men (and a bunch of women, too) define manhood by the ways in which a guy is able to "stick it" to the world. I'm not saying that's how manhood should be defined, but I do know this: Being able to draw a (fair, loving) line is a key ingredient in partnering. And the most desirable women have so many options for mates, they're not often going to settle for any guy who can't do that.
3. You're still married to your mom. Ewwwww. Why would I even say something so disgusting? Well, because every man starts life in exactly the same place: inside his mother's body. Okay? That's how important your mom is. You lived in there, and even though you don't remember it, this was a big deal. Then you were born and for the first ten years or so, you were completely dependent on this woman in her twenties or thirties (and you know how these women are, because you're dating them) for everything: food, warmth, shelter, cookies. And this fucked you up. It just did. Even if your mom did it perfectly, which she didn't, you came out of the experience with some quirks at best and trauma at worst. Which is a long way of saying: if you want to stop dating strippers, alcoholics, and/or ragers, you are going to have to work this shit out.
4. You're broke. I've noticed a really interesting thing: Most men magically begin to consider marriage right around the time they become able to afford a wife. Obviously, that's in part because traditionally, wives require money. But, the bigger issue is that a man's money game is indicative of something larger—like his whole life situation. Your money shows your relationship to work, and your relationship to power. And your relationship to power tells whether you're right within. There are exceptions to this, of course: like, you're about to get a Ph.D. in rocket science, or you're a badass community organizer who is about to run for state legislature. But more often than not, if you're over 30 and you're broke, something's broken. And if you want to get respect from women, you are going to need to figure out what it is.
5. You're shallow. This is so obvious I almost didn't mention it. I have an attorney friend who once said he "only dates eights, nines, and tens". When I asked him to give an example of a "nine," he named an actress most famous for playing second banana on Baywatch. Needless to say, if your notion of the ideal woman is the junk-food version of female sexuality, you are not going to be interested in a long-term relationship unless one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders suddenly decides to marry you. And that's not going to happen. The cosmic joke here, of course, is that the very woman you want only for her boobs, in turn only wants you for your wallet. Which means you guys deserve each other.
6. You're a user. The biggest thing a man has to conquer is himself. But guys who haven't figured that out try to conquer everything around them—business rivals, rainforests, oil-producing nations, and of course, women—which ends up looking an awful lot like exploitation. If you're still using people, places, and things for your own gratification, you're not just a detriment to the world, you're a little boy. (Real estate developers, cult leaders, U.S. senators, and computer barons are a few examples that come immediately to mind.) Using includes hedge-fund pillaging, lying to women in order to control them, and abusing yourself or others—through words, deeds, or substances. (Yes, pornography is a substance.) This isn't about moralizing. It's about being aligned with what is highest in you. And though this is going to get me into a big argument with my philosopher boyfriend about the is-ought problem, I will just say that exploiting people and/or things is not what's highest in a man. Period.
So, there you have it. It's pretty simple, really. In order to get (or keep) a really amazing woman—and why would you want anything less?—you are going to have to be a really amazing man. But you're not even sort of amazing yet. Which means you're stuck dating the women who will take you as-is. And deep down, you know you can do better. You can do better by being better.
Now, I'm not saying that you can wake up next to Kate Upton sometime next year. (She's too young, anyway.)
But what if you met a woman who was adorable and sexy and was herself working on, say, not being a bitch? And let's say that together, the two of you got to practice being better people together, and got to forgive each other when you blew it, and celebrate each other when you didn't. What would happen then?
Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway is now available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los Angeles with her 13-year-old son. Follow her on Twitter.
FOR WOMEN: The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on. So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you're not married.
1. You're a Bitch. Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off. The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.
2. You're Shallow. When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit. Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.
3. You're a Slut. Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long. That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.
4. You're a Liar. It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now." You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear! About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.
5. You're Selfish. If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems. Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.
6. You're Not Good Enough. Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job. Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this. I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry. Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
FOR MEN Well, you want Her, with a capital H. The sexiest, most beautiful, smartest, most resourceful, desirable woman you can get. But that's the problem, isn't it? You can't get her. And here are the reasons why:
1. You're a dick. It kind of goes without saying, women want to be with a guy who is nice to them. (Though the first and probably biggest sign you're a dick is that you don't believe this.) But when you are sarcastic, argumentative, or contemptuous of a woman's lady-ways—the messy friends, the astrology-talk, the big, big emotions—you're not being nice. Even if you open her car door on dates. Being a dick is when you're so self-centered, you think your ideas are pretty much the only worthy ones and you secretly believe other people are inferior to you. Not that you know you think this. Like your female counterpart, the Bitch, you'd rather believe other people just can't handle how awesome you are. And you're right. All that awesomeness sucks, actually. In any case, if you want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks and acts just like you, why not start fucking your dude friends?
2. You're a pussy. It's not fair to women that calling a man a pussy is considered an insult. Because we women love and cherish our pussies, just as you do. But that said, you know what's meant by this: You're a guy who is taking it, not giving it. Day to day, this translates to letting yourself be pushed around—by your boss, by telephone tech support people, and of course, by women. I know my gender studies friends are going to get mad at me for saying so, but a whole lotta men (and a bunch of women, too) define manhood by the ways in which a guy is able to "stick it" to the world. I'm not saying that's how manhood should be defined, but I do know this: Being able to draw a (fair, loving) line is a key ingredient in partnering. And the most desirable women have so many options for mates, they're not often going to settle for any guy who can't do that.
3. You're still married to your mom. Ewwwww. Why would I even say something so disgusting? Well, because every man starts life in exactly the same place: inside his mother's body. Okay? That's how important your mom is. You lived in there, and even though you don't remember it, this was a big deal. Then you were born and for the first ten years or so, you were completely dependent on this woman in her twenties or thirties (and you know how these women are, because you're dating them) for everything: food, warmth, shelter, cookies. And this fucked you up. It just did. Even if your mom did it perfectly, which she didn't, you came out of the experience with some quirks at best and trauma at worst. Which is a long way of saying: if you want to stop dating strippers, alcoholics, and/or ragers, you are going to have to work this shit out.
4. You're broke. I've noticed a really interesting thing: Most men magically begin to consider marriage right around the time they become able to afford a wife. Obviously, that's in part because traditionally, wives require money. But, the bigger issue is that a man's money game is indicative of something larger—like his whole life situation. Your money shows your relationship to work, and your relationship to power. And your relationship to power tells whether you're right within. There are exceptions to this, of course: like, you're about to get a Ph.D. in rocket science, or you're a badass community organizer who is about to run for state legislature. But more often than not, if you're over 30 and you're broke, something's broken. And if you want to get respect from women, you are going to need to figure out what it is.
5. You're shallow. This is so obvious I almost didn't mention it. I have an attorney friend who once said he "only dates eights, nines, and tens". When I asked him to give an example of a "nine," he named an actress most famous for playing second banana on Baywatch. Needless to say, if your notion of the ideal woman is the junk-food version of female sexuality, you are not going to be interested in a long-term relationship unless one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders suddenly decides to marry you. And that's not going to happen. The cosmic joke here, of course, is that the very woman you want only for her boobs, in turn only wants you for your wallet. Which means you guys deserve each other.
6. You're a user. The biggest thing a man has to conquer is himself. But guys who haven't figured that out try to conquer everything around them—business rivals, rainforests, oil-producing nations, and of course, women—which ends up looking an awful lot like exploitation. If you're still using people, places, and things for your own gratification, you're not just a detriment to the world, you're a little boy. (Real estate developers, cult leaders, U.S. senators, and computer barons are a few examples that come immediately to mind.) Using includes hedge-fund pillaging, lying to women in order to control them, and abusing yourself or others—through words, deeds, or substances. (Yes, pornography is a substance.) This isn't about moralizing. It's about being aligned with what is highest in you. And though this is going to get me into a big argument with my philosopher boyfriend about the is-ought problem, I will just say that exploiting people and/or things is not what's highest in a man. Period.
So, there you have it. It's pretty simple, really. In order to get (or keep) a really amazing woman—and why would you want anything less?—you are going to have to be a really amazing man. But you're not even sort of amazing yet. Which means you're stuck dating the women who will take you as-is. And deep down, you know you can do better. You can do better by being better.
Now, I'm not saying that you can wake up next to Kate Upton sometime next year. (She's too young, anyway.)
But what if you met a woman who was adorable and sexy and was herself working on, say, not being a bitch? And let's say that together, the two of you got to practice being better people together, and got to forgive each other when you blew it, and celebrate each other when you didn't. What would happen then?
Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway is now available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los Angeles with her 13-year-old son. Follow her on Twitter.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Assholes and Love?
At times I thought that once a girl becomes a woman, and after growing beyond the fantasies and superficial addictions, she will awaken to the fact that nice men are the best men to have. Here's an article featuring a research on why women date assholes! ;)
Click this link: Assholes and You!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
I MISS YOU, BUT I HAVEN'T MET YOU YET...
I HAVE NOT PROOF READ THIS.. IT IS AS IS!
I want to meet you already. Haven’t you had enough of that guy that keeps dissing you? Well leave him! Go out, meet people. You are valuable, you are beautiful, and you are the woman of my dreams. You don’t know me, but I am telling you that this man will do anything for you! I’m not sure why we haven’t met yet. But i’m waiting for you! I am dating to spend time while I wait for you to be done with all your trial and errors. I think it’s best that you do that because I am going to love you forever. And I know you need to be ready for that. So let those guys dance around the truth, say things that are not nice or disappoint you. Just know that I am here waiting for you when you are ready. Waiting to love you. Waiting to give you all of me. My soul begs for you and I will work to my limit for you, to give you everything you want. I’m not sure why you haven’t showed up yet. Perhaps that guy with the degree or the TV show, or the bass player of that band, or the stock broker who claims he’ll hit, holds you captive for a moment, but i’m telling you when you’re done I’m here waiting for you... with everything. With the real stuff. With everything I got. With everything I am. With Love! Oh, and by the way I do have a degree in Psychology, and have several TV shows.. but what I don’t have is you!
I keep writing, I keep directing, I keep talking to my friends about their marriage. I’ve decided that you will come when the time is right.. and it’s 11:59pm. I can feel it. When I wake up i feel a hope, a dream come true that is you! I know you already. I know what you want. What you need. How you like your breakfast. How you like your french tips done and when you want Sushi. When you feel like buying a new outfit. I will buy it for you. How you are in the morning. How you want me to just listen to you after a hard day. I’ll listen to you after your girlfriend pisses you off. After your family or client made you so made that you feel like exploding. I am here for you to soften the blow, to massage your tense muscles... to make love to you in a way you’ve never been made love to... to be everything and anything you want me to be... but you don’t have to ask. I already know. I’ll even happily dance with you to Don Omar, Pit Bull, salsa, or some 80’s retro ban. I know exactly how you want your drink. Extra Dirty Martini, vodka tonic, some sweet fruity drink, or a light beer. It’s a dance that is perfected over time between two people, but with you and I, time stands still. Our bodies will be one of the same. I'll have what you need and want, and you'll have what I want and need. You'll know me too. What I like, how to respect me and our relationship, how to make me feel like the luckiest man on earth. And if you don't know things about me, you'll take the time to find out. You're patient, bratty at times (but i love that), sincere, unassuming, respectful, confident, intelligent, and graceful. I'll feel like you are always on my side, no matter who is sitting in front of us. We are a team of one. 2 entities merged to one. We are the rhythm, the narrative and soul of our story. "US"
So what’s taking you so long? I guess it’s ok for now. I’ll keep meeting impostors who claim that they are you. And I keep discovering pretty quickly they are not.
So please hurry up my love. I’m getting tired. But I am very exited to meet you.
Your Love,
GMT
I want to meet you already. Haven’t you had enough of that guy that keeps dissing you? Well leave him! Go out, meet people. You are valuable, you are beautiful, and you are the woman of my dreams. You don’t know me, but I am telling you that this man will do anything for you! I’m not sure why we haven’t met yet. But i’m waiting for you! I am dating to spend time while I wait for you to be done with all your trial and errors. I think it’s best that you do that because I am going to love you forever. And I know you need to be ready for that. So let those guys dance around the truth, say things that are not nice or disappoint you. Just know that I am here waiting for you when you are ready. Waiting to love you. Waiting to give you all of me. My soul begs for you and I will work to my limit for you, to give you everything you want. I’m not sure why you haven’t showed up yet. Perhaps that guy with the degree or the TV show, or the bass player of that band, or the stock broker who claims he’ll hit, holds you captive for a moment, but i’m telling you when you’re done I’m here waiting for you... with everything. With the real stuff. With everything I got. With everything I am. With Love! Oh, and by the way I do have a degree in Psychology, and have several TV shows.. but what I don’t have is you!
I keep writing, I keep directing, I keep talking to my friends about their marriage. I’ve decided that you will come when the time is right.. and it’s 11:59pm. I can feel it. When I wake up i feel a hope, a dream come true that is you! I know you already. I know what you want. What you need. How you like your breakfast. How you like your french tips done and when you want Sushi. When you feel like buying a new outfit. I will buy it for you. How you are in the morning. How you want me to just listen to you after a hard day. I’ll listen to you after your girlfriend pisses you off. After your family or client made you so made that you feel like exploding. I am here for you to soften the blow, to massage your tense muscles... to make love to you in a way you’ve never been made love to... to be everything and anything you want me to be... but you don’t have to ask. I already know. I’ll even happily dance with you to Don Omar, Pit Bull, salsa, or some 80’s retro ban. I know exactly how you want your drink. Extra Dirty Martini, vodka tonic, some sweet fruity drink, or a light beer. It’s a dance that is perfected over time between two people, but with you and I, time stands still. Our bodies will be one of the same. I'll have what you need and want, and you'll have what I want and need. You'll know me too. What I like, how to respect me and our relationship, how to make me feel like the luckiest man on earth. And if you don't know things about me, you'll take the time to find out. You're patient, bratty at times (but i love that), sincere, unassuming, respectful, confident, intelligent, and graceful. I'll feel like you are always on my side, no matter who is sitting in front of us. We are a team of one. 2 entities merged to one. We are the rhythm, the narrative and soul of our story. "US"
So what’s taking you so long? I guess it’s ok for now. I’ll keep meeting impostors who claim that they are you. And I keep discovering pretty quickly they are not.
So please hurry up my love. I’m getting tired. But I am very exited to meet you.
Your Love,
GMT
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