5 METHODS TO BREAKING UP

First of all, the term break up should be used for a serious relationship where both parties consider themselves boyfriend/girlfriend officially, if not then I think the term “Break-off” as in breaking it off would be appropriate for people that are just dating or “seeing” each other. Some break-up methods are more appropriate for both terms. (Relationships can be complicated at times and the more serious the relationship such as marriage the more unique the method. This methods are general and only represents a snap-shot of the social dating scene for fun.)

“The Mature Soul”

The Mature Soul is when you sit your partner down for a heart to heart talk and tell them that it’s not going to work out and that you need to move on. The goal is to be as kind as possible and as clear and straight forward as to leave no room for miscommunication. If you’re clear about this decision, then the conversation should not take all night. It’s usually swift, unless the other person wants to drag out the break-up and ask questions like why, what’s wrong with me, and are you sure, etc… But if it’s someone you are only seeing or dating, then the “break-off” should not take hours and should not take two days. It’s much easier than a break-up for instance with someone truly significant like a girlfriend or boyfriend of many years. However the time it takes to break-off or break up depends on many variables like personality or if either party is holding on to something for the wrong reasons (or you’re really not sure about breaking it off) or the other person just likes to be rejected in many ways by asking for reasons why you are breaking it off or up with them. The Mature Soul is the best way to go, however most delay this talk and end up making the process much more difficult.

“Cold-Turkey”

Cold-Turkey is when you just drop everything and disappear. You stop all calls, texts, facebook chat, you don’t return any of them, and you basically make yourself invisible. The method could also be called “Turning Ghost” and can sometimes be mean-spirited especially if you had a sensible and caring relationship. This method is mostly reserved for psycho lovers where perhaps disappearing would actually protect your safety. This tactic will cause mega-confusion for the other person and even motivate them to try harder to find out what happened. If you wanted them to leave you alone in the first place, this method can promote the opposite in the beginning. Whether it’s a break-up or break-off, Cold-Turkey is a method that lacks consideration and compassion.

“The Fade-Away” aka “Soft-Dump"

Societies favorite. The Fade-away is just that, your attention and response to the other person starts to fade away until you both stop communicating and dating completely. That is you slowly stop calling or returning calls as much as you used to, your facebook postings drop to 20% from 110% when you were actually into the person, your speech becomes platonic and general, and your intimacy begins to fade away to nothing.

This generally is more common with break-offs with those you are only seeing or “dating.” The problem with this is that sometimes you’ll have to be disenguine and dishonest as you “play-along.” That is you don’t really want to be with this person anymore, but you may have had prior engagements like a concert of some event and you don’t have the courage or know-how to break it off cleanly any other way, so you just play-along and continue dating them all the while knowing you are going to fade-away and break up. Meanwhile the person you are dating does not know that they being “soft-dumped.” While this method works most of the time with reasonable people who can take the hint, there are some lovers out there that just need a clear cut break announcement. These people will force you into an official discussion and you’ll find yourself having the “Talk” anyway, which you were trying to avoid. It’s better to just have that talk from the get go and as soon as you’ve definitively made up your mind that you want to break up/off because most of time whether it’s because of a needed dater or because you finally find the courage to do so you’ll just end up having that talk you wanted to avoid in the first place. Since “Fading-Away” often includes deception and “Playing-Along” it’s one of the most dishonest, fear-based, and sometimes hurtful forms of breaking up or breaking it off. The other person will feel disregarded by this method at times and they would appreciate you more if you were just honest and upfront. This method requires more emotions, drama, and energy than most other methods.

“The Fight Club Meaney”

The Fight Club Meany is when you purposefully cause a fight so that the argument leads to a break up or break-off. Many times this includes weeks of being mean to the other person hoping they’ll break up with you. This cowardly and labor intensive drama filled method works well for those who feel to guilty and afraid of just break up on their own. This method is used in both cases, breaking up and breaking off. Sometimes you may secretly wait until the other person does something wrong, then you use that event to break up, escaping the responsibility of breaking up and being the bad guy. The irony is that while you don’t want to be the bad guy by breaking up with the other person, you end up being the bad guy for causing so much pain in the process.
Not fun, but for those of you who just can face the music and love drama, and don’t care about hurting the other persons feelings, this method is for you.

“Long-Distance-Dis”

The Long-Distance-Diss is when you make up a story that you are moving away to a place far enough that a long-distance relationship will not work. This method is used mostly in break-offs. Could be effective because your lie saves them from hurt feelings of rejection and you leave the door open for future hooks up when you are “back in town” if you desire. Just don’t let them catch you at the neighborhood Farmer’s Market on Sunday.

I’m sure there are many more out there, you lovers are creative. While breaking up or off may sting initially for both parties, if you do it with respect, care, and honesty you’ll find that it’s easier and more productive. Again honesty in this case is truly the best policy.