“What the ‘Eff”! “Why him?”
Ugly is in the eye of the beholder... I don't mean to be mean when i use the word “ugly.” What I mean is that there appears to be an increase of beautiful women dating seemingly goofy, not very attractive, out of shape “Plain Joe's.” I know what a man does for a living and financial stability is high on most women's mate list so I'm assuming these men should be up to par. Although in my personal experience these “ugly-ducklings” coincidentally all seemed to hold positions in the financial industry, i.e.. loan officer, investment banker, and sometimes real-estate. These are all good gigs no doubt and the truth is that there are all types in all industries (Obviously).
Growing up with 5 sisters I’ve seen a variety of men-types and ethnicities go after their affection. But out in the world most males hear women talk about that hot guy with the sick pack, strong jaw, and of tall stature. Other attributes high on the female “hot” list are a great sense of humor, ambition/drive, status, and of course loaded with moola$. I must admit humor, clever thinking, and ambition has gotten me plenty of pretty ladies.
But now me (and many male friends) are seeing and meeting pretty ladies with great personalities and careers dating and marrying the “Plain Joe”. Ok maybe he’s rich, nope. Maybe he’s funny? Well after several evenings with the last “Plain Joe,” answer is nope. In fact recently one lady’s husband was so childish and socially inappropriate that his jokes were offensive. It was painful to watch. He was also not in shape, not good looking and worked in a mid-level position at a commercial bank. So why did she marry him? Men of all ages have been reporting “She was so beautiful, then I see her boyfriend and i’m like what the hell?” Pictures of couples being posted on Facebook also providing evidence of this phenomena causing men of all ages asking the question, “What the ‘Eff”! “Why him?”
I know there are many variables to attraction and bonding such as Familiarity, Proximity, Commonality, self insecurities and upbringing. All of these contribute to finding someone more attractive than not. Combine that with some chemicals like dopamine and you very well may have yourself a relationship. Psychology, Biology, Sociology, and Evolution have always been the driven force creating relationships since the beginning of human mating. But why him? I guess the answer after dozens of conversation with these women could be summed up in one word... He is SAFE.
Safe can have many meanings depending on the woman. Safe often accompanies phrases like he “treats” her well and he’s “nice and non-threatening.” A good female friend told me that she dated “ugly” guys on purpose because they treated her the best and she felt less threatened and insecure with those types than their more “attractive”counterparts. Elements that eventually make the female “secure” in a variety of ways.
What’s ugly anyway? It’s in the eye of the beholder. I know for most men, physical beauty is important and relative. Thank God visual and physical good-looks are not as important to women as they are to men (generally speaking). And I use the word ugly only to be sarcastic. In a world of materialistic gratification, this “Ugly” phenomena is a refreshing reminder that women are looking beyond the superficial fancy cars and materialism and towards more important characteristics like honesty and plain old “niceness” instead. (Although financial stability still falls high on the list no matter what people say).
Good news for me is that if “Ugly” is in, then i should be cashing in on the pretty ladies..
Wait, I think I just gave myself a lonely compliment.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
WHY YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, WOMEN (or Married to The Woman You want, men)
I found 2 articles from Tracey McMillon. The first is for women, the second is for men. Enjoy and hope you get passed the initial shock of the section titles, because it's not what you think.
FOR WOMEN: The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on. So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you're not married.
1. You're a Bitch. Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off. The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.
2. You're Shallow. When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit. Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.
3. You're a Slut. Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long. That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.
4. You're a Liar. It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now." You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear! About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.
5. You're Selfish. If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems. Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.
6. You're Not Good Enough. Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job. Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this. I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry. Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
FOR MEN Well, you want Her, with a capital H. The sexiest, most beautiful, smartest, most resourceful, desirable woman you can get. But that's the problem, isn't it? You can't get her. And here are the reasons why:
1. You're a dick. It kind of goes without saying, women want to be with a guy who is nice to them. (Though the first and probably biggest sign you're a dick is that you don't believe this.) But when you are sarcastic, argumentative, or contemptuous of a woman's lady-ways—the messy friends, the astrology-talk, the big, big emotions—you're not being nice. Even if you open her car door on dates. Being a dick is when you're so self-centered, you think your ideas are pretty much the only worthy ones and you secretly believe other people are inferior to you. Not that you know you think this. Like your female counterpart, the Bitch, you'd rather believe other people just can't handle how awesome you are. And you're right. All that awesomeness sucks, actually. In any case, if you want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks and acts just like you, why not start fucking your dude friends?
2. You're a pussy. It's not fair to women that calling a man a pussy is considered an insult. Because we women love and cherish our pussies, just as you do. But that said, you know what's meant by this: You're a guy who is taking it, not giving it. Day to day, this translates to letting yourself be pushed around—by your boss, by telephone tech support people, and of course, by women. I know my gender studies friends are going to get mad at me for saying so, but a whole lotta men (and a bunch of women, too) define manhood by the ways in which a guy is able to "stick it" to the world. I'm not saying that's how manhood should be defined, but I do know this: Being able to draw a (fair, loving) line is a key ingredient in partnering. And the most desirable women have so many options for mates, they're not often going to settle for any guy who can't do that.
3. You're still married to your mom. Ewwwww. Why would I even say something so disgusting? Well, because every man starts life in exactly the same place: inside his mother's body. Okay? That's how important your mom is. You lived in there, and even though you don't remember it, this was a big deal. Then you were born and for the first ten years or so, you were completely dependent on this woman in her twenties or thirties (and you know how these women are, because you're dating them) for everything: food, warmth, shelter, cookies. And this fucked you up. It just did. Even if your mom did it perfectly, which she didn't, you came out of the experience with some quirks at best and trauma at worst. Which is a long way of saying: if you want to stop dating strippers, alcoholics, and/or ragers, you are going to have to work this shit out.
4. You're broke. I've noticed a really interesting thing: Most men magically begin to consider marriage right around the time they become able to afford a wife. Obviously, that's in part because traditionally, wives require money. But, the bigger issue is that a man's money game is indicative of something larger—like his whole life situation. Your money shows your relationship to work, and your relationship to power. And your relationship to power tells whether you're right within. There are exceptions to this, of course: like, you're about to get a Ph.D. in rocket science, or you're a badass community organizer who is about to run for state legislature. But more often than not, if you're over 30 and you're broke, something's broken. And if you want to get respect from women, you are going to need to figure out what it is.
5. You're shallow. This is so obvious I almost didn't mention it. I have an attorney friend who once said he "only dates eights, nines, and tens". When I asked him to give an example of a "nine," he named an actress most famous for playing second banana on Baywatch. Needless to say, if your notion of the ideal woman is the junk-food version of female sexuality, you are not going to be interested in a long-term relationship unless one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders suddenly decides to marry you. And that's not going to happen. The cosmic joke here, of course, is that the very woman you want only for her boobs, in turn only wants you for your wallet. Which means you guys deserve each other.
6. You're a user. The biggest thing a man has to conquer is himself. But guys who haven't figured that out try to conquer everything around them—business rivals, rainforests, oil-producing nations, and of course, women—which ends up looking an awful lot like exploitation. If you're still using people, places, and things for your own gratification, you're not just a detriment to the world, you're a little boy. (Real estate developers, cult leaders, U.S. senators, and computer barons are a few examples that come immediately to mind.) Using includes hedge-fund pillaging, lying to women in order to control them, and abusing yourself or others—through words, deeds, or substances. (Yes, pornography is a substance.) This isn't about moralizing. It's about being aligned with what is highest in you. And though this is going to get me into a big argument with my philosopher boyfriend about the is-ought problem, I will just say that exploiting people and/or things is not what's highest in a man. Period.
So, there you have it. It's pretty simple, really. In order to get (or keep) a really amazing woman—and why would you want anything less?—you are going to have to be a really amazing man. But you're not even sort of amazing yet. Which means you're stuck dating the women who will take you as-is. And deep down, you know you can do better. You can do better by being better.
Now, I'm not saying that you can wake up next to Kate Upton sometime next year. (She's too young, anyway.)
But what if you met a woman who was adorable and sexy and was herself working on, say, not being a bitch? And let's say that together, the two of you got to practice being better people together, and got to forgive each other when you blew it, and celebrate each other when you didn't. What would happen then?
Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway is now available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los Angeles with her 13-year-old son. Follow her on Twitter.
FOR WOMEN: The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on. So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you're not married.
1. You're a Bitch. Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off. The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.
2. You're Shallow. When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit. Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.
3. You're a Slut. Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long. That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.
4. You're a Liar. It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now." You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear! About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.
5. You're Selfish. If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems. Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.
6. You're Not Good Enough. Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job. Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this. I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry. Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
FOR MEN Well, you want Her, with a capital H. The sexiest, most beautiful, smartest, most resourceful, desirable woman you can get. But that's the problem, isn't it? You can't get her. And here are the reasons why:
1. You're a dick. It kind of goes without saying, women want to be with a guy who is nice to them. (Though the first and probably biggest sign you're a dick is that you don't believe this.) But when you are sarcastic, argumentative, or contemptuous of a woman's lady-ways—the messy friends, the astrology-talk, the big, big emotions—you're not being nice. Even if you open her car door on dates. Being a dick is when you're so self-centered, you think your ideas are pretty much the only worthy ones and you secretly believe other people are inferior to you. Not that you know you think this. Like your female counterpart, the Bitch, you'd rather believe other people just can't handle how awesome you are. And you're right. All that awesomeness sucks, actually. In any case, if you want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks and acts just like you, why not start fucking your dude friends?
2. You're a pussy. It's not fair to women that calling a man a pussy is considered an insult. Because we women love and cherish our pussies, just as you do. But that said, you know what's meant by this: You're a guy who is taking it, not giving it. Day to day, this translates to letting yourself be pushed around—by your boss, by telephone tech support people, and of course, by women. I know my gender studies friends are going to get mad at me for saying so, but a whole lotta men (and a bunch of women, too) define manhood by the ways in which a guy is able to "stick it" to the world. I'm not saying that's how manhood should be defined, but I do know this: Being able to draw a (fair, loving) line is a key ingredient in partnering. And the most desirable women have so many options for mates, they're not often going to settle for any guy who can't do that.
3. You're still married to your mom. Ewwwww. Why would I even say something so disgusting? Well, because every man starts life in exactly the same place: inside his mother's body. Okay? That's how important your mom is. You lived in there, and even though you don't remember it, this was a big deal. Then you were born and for the first ten years or so, you were completely dependent on this woman in her twenties or thirties (and you know how these women are, because you're dating them) for everything: food, warmth, shelter, cookies. And this fucked you up. It just did. Even if your mom did it perfectly, which she didn't, you came out of the experience with some quirks at best and trauma at worst. Which is a long way of saying: if you want to stop dating strippers, alcoholics, and/or ragers, you are going to have to work this shit out.
4. You're broke. I've noticed a really interesting thing: Most men magically begin to consider marriage right around the time they become able to afford a wife. Obviously, that's in part because traditionally, wives require money. But, the bigger issue is that a man's money game is indicative of something larger—like his whole life situation. Your money shows your relationship to work, and your relationship to power. And your relationship to power tells whether you're right within. There are exceptions to this, of course: like, you're about to get a Ph.D. in rocket science, or you're a badass community organizer who is about to run for state legislature. But more often than not, if you're over 30 and you're broke, something's broken. And if you want to get respect from women, you are going to need to figure out what it is.
5. You're shallow. This is so obvious I almost didn't mention it. I have an attorney friend who once said he "only dates eights, nines, and tens". When I asked him to give an example of a "nine," he named an actress most famous for playing second banana on Baywatch. Needless to say, if your notion of the ideal woman is the junk-food version of female sexuality, you are not going to be interested in a long-term relationship unless one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders suddenly decides to marry you. And that's not going to happen. The cosmic joke here, of course, is that the very woman you want only for her boobs, in turn only wants you for your wallet. Which means you guys deserve each other.
6. You're a user. The biggest thing a man has to conquer is himself. But guys who haven't figured that out try to conquer everything around them—business rivals, rainforests, oil-producing nations, and of course, women—which ends up looking an awful lot like exploitation. If you're still using people, places, and things for your own gratification, you're not just a detriment to the world, you're a little boy. (Real estate developers, cult leaders, U.S. senators, and computer barons are a few examples that come immediately to mind.) Using includes hedge-fund pillaging, lying to women in order to control them, and abusing yourself or others—through words, deeds, or substances. (Yes, pornography is a substance.) This isn't about moralizing. It's about being aligned with what is highest in you. And though this is going to get me into a big argument with my philosopher boyfriend about the is-ought problem, I will just say that exploiting people and/or things is not what's highest in a man. Period.
So, there you have it. It's pretty simple, really. In order to get (or keep) a really amazing woman—and why would you want anything less?—you are going to have to be a really amazing man. But you're not even sort of amazing yet. Which means you're stuck dating the women who will take you as-is. And deep down, you know you can do better. You can do better by being better.
Now, I'm not saying that you can wake up next to Kate Upton sometime next year. (She's too young, anyway.)
But what if you met a woman who was adorable and sexy and was herself working on, say, not being a bitch? And let's say that together, the two of you got to practice being better people together, and got to forgive each other when you blew it, and celebrate each other when you didn't. What would happen then?
Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway is now available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los Angeles with her 13-year-old son. Follow her on Twitter.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Assholes and Love?
At times I thought that once a girl becomes a woman, and after growing beyond the fantasies and superficial addictions, she will awaken to the fact that nice men are the best men to have. Here's an article featuring a research on why women date assholes! ;)
Click this link: Assholes and You!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
I MISS YOU, BUT I HAVEN'T MET YOU YET...
I HAVE NOT PROOF READ THIS.. IT IS AS IS!
I want to meet you already. Haven’t you had enough of that guy that keeps dissing you? Well leave him! Go out, meet people. You are valuable, you are beautiful, and you are the woman of my dreams. You don’t know me, but I am telling you that this man will do anything for you! I’m not sure why we haven’t met yet. But i’m waiting for you! I am dating to spend time while I wait for you to be done with all your trial and errors. I think it’s best that you do that because I am going to love you forever. And I know you need to be ready for that. So let those guys dance around the truth, say things that are not nice or disappoint you. Just know that I am here waiting for you when you are ready. Waiting to love you. Waiting to give you all of me. My soul begs for you and I will work to my limit for you, to give you everything you want. I’m not sure why you haven’t showed up yet. Perhaps that guy with the degree or the TV show, or the bass player of that band, or the stock broker who claims he’ll hit, holds you captive for a moment, but i’m telling you when you’re done I’m here waiting for you... with everything. With the real stuff. With everything I got. With everything I am. With Love! Oh, and by the way I do have a degree in Psychology, and have several TV shows.. but what I don’t have is you!
I keep writing, I keep directing, I keep talking to my friends about their marriage. I’ve decided that you will come when the time is right.. and it’s 11:59pm. I can feel it. When I wake up i feel a hope, a dream come true that is you! I know you already. I know what you want. What you need. How you like your breakfast. How you like your french tips done and when you want Sushi. When you feel like buying a new outfit. I will buy it for you. How you are in the morning. How you want me to just listen to you after a hard day. I’ll listen to you after your girlfriend pisses you off. After your family or client made you so made that you feel like exploding. I am here for you to soften the blow, to massage your tense muscles... to make love to you in a way you’ve never been made love to... to be everything and anything you want me to be... but you don’t have to ask. I already know. I’ll even happily dance with you to Don Omar, Pit Bull, salsa, or some 80’s retro ban. I know exactly how you want your drink. Extra Dirty Martini, vodka tonic, some sweet fruity drink, or a light beer. It’s a dance that is perfected over time between two people, but with you and I, time stands still. Our bodies will be one of the same. I'll have what you need and want, and you'll have what I want and need. You'll know me too. What I like, how to respect me and our relationship, how to make me feel like the luckiest man on earth. And if you don't know things about me, you'll take the time to find out. You're patient, bratty at times (but i love that), sincere, unassuming, respectful, confident, intelligent, and graceful. I'll feel like you are always on my side, no matter who is sitting in front of us. We are a team of one. 2 entities merged to one. We are the rhythm, the narrative and soul of our story. "US"
So what’s taking you so long? I guess it’s ok for now. I’ll keep meeting impostors who claim that they are you. And I keep discovering pretty quickly they are not.
So please hurry up my love. I’m getting tired. But I am very exited to meet you.
Your Love,
GMT
I want to meet you already. Haven’t you had enough of that guy that keeps dissing you? Well leave him! Go out, meet people. You are valuable, you are beautiful, and you are the woman of my dreams. You don’t know me, but I am telling you that this man will do anything for you! I’m not sure why we haven’t met yet. But i’m waiting for you! I am dating to spend time while I wait for you to be done with all your trial and errors. I think it’s best that you do that because I am going to love you forever. And I know you need to be ready for that. So let those guys dance around the truth, say things that are not nice or disappoint you. Just know that I am here waiting for you when you are ready. Waiting to love you. Waiting to give you all of me. My soul begs for you and I will work to my limit for you, to give you everything you want. I’m not sure why you haven’t showed up yet. Perhaps that guy with the degree or the TV show, or the bass player of that band, or the stock broker who claims he’ll hit, holds you captive for a moment, but i’m telling you when you’re done I’m here waiting for you... with everything. With the real stuff. With everything I got. With everything I am. With Love! Oh, and by the way I do have a degree in Psychology, and have several TV shows.. but what I don’t have is you!
I keep writing, I keep directing, I keep talking to my friends about their marriage. I’ve decided that you will come when the time is right.. and it’s 11:59pm. I can feel it. When I wake up i feel a hope, a dream come true that is you! I know you already. I know what you want. What you need. How you like your breakfast. How you like your french tips done and when you want Sushi. When you feel like buying a new outfit. I will buy it for you. How you are in the morning. How you want me to just listen to you after a hard day. I’ll listen to you after your girlfriend pisses you off. After your family or client made you so made that you feel like exploding. I am here for you to soften the blow, to massage your tense muscles... to make love to you in a way you’ve never been made love to... to be everything and anything you want me to be... but you don’t have to ask. I already know. I’ll even happily dance with you to Don Omar, Pit Bull, salsa, or some 80’s retro ban. I know exactly how you want your drink. Extra Dirty Martini, vodka tonic, some sweet fruity drink, or a light beer. It’s a dance that is perfected over time between two people, but with you and I, time stands still. Our bodies will be one of the same. I'll have what you need and want, and you'll have what I want and need. You'll know me too. What I like, how to respect me and our relationship, how to make me feel like the luckiest man on earth. And if you don't know things about me, you'll take the time to find out. You're patient, bratty at times (but i love that), sincere, unassuming, respectful, confident, intelligent, and graceful. I'll feel like you are always on my side, no matter who is sitting in front of us. We are a team of one. 2 entities merged to one. We are the rhythm, the narrative and soul of our story. "US"
So what’s taking you so long? I guess it’s ok for now. I’ll keep meeting impostors who claim that they are you. And I keep discovering pretty quickly they are not.
So please hurry up my love. I’m getting tired. But I am very exited to meet you.
Your Love,
GMT
Friday, September 9, 2011
Message to My Future Daughter #1
To My Future Daughter,
Hi Love, this is your dad. You haven’t been born yet, but I wanted to just say I can’t wait to love you with all my heart. With that being said, I hope we can figure out a plan for you to stay on track. Yes, you haven’t been born yet and I’m already worried. Well as I look around me, I see some very young girls and boys behave in ways that well for me is shocking. I don’t remember when I was 10 years old the girls dressing in such provocative ways…as if they were going to some club in Hollywood. Short skirts exposing their behinds and little tops showing off their mid-section, geez.. and they’re at the mall at 11am! What’s going on with parents and their kids these days? I know I sound like some old man on his porch cursing the kids to stay of his grass… but it’s really troubling daughter. Perhaps their parents are too busy to notice or care and their lives as hard as it is sometimes just gets in the way of responsible parenting… or perhaps times have changed. I don’t know. Well I promise you I will care, and I will notice you everyday. I will shower you with love, security, and freedom. But I ever catch you wearing a short skirt and have tons of make-up on at the mall… I will ground you until you’re 30.
Love your future father,
GMT
Hi Love, this is your dad. You haven’t been born yet, but I wanted to just say I can’t wait to love you with all my heart. With that being said, I hope we can figure out a plan for you to stay on track. Yes, you haven’t been born yet and I’m already worried. Well as I look around me, I see some very young girls and boys behave in ways that well for me is shocking. I don’t remember when I was 10 years old the girls dressing in such provocative ways…as if they were going to some club in Hollywood. Short skirts exposing their behinds and little tops showing off their mid-section, geez.. and they’re at the mall at 11am! What’s going on with parents and their kids these days? I know I sound like some old man on his porch cursing the kids to stay of his grass… but it’s really troubling daughter. Perhaps their parents are too busy to notice or care and their lives as hard as it is sometimes just gets in the way of responsible parenting… or perhaps times have changed. I don’t know. Well I promise you I will care, and I will notice you everyday. I will shower you with love, security, and freedom. But I ever catch you wearing a short skirt and have tons of make-up on at the mall… I will ground you until you’re 30.
Love your future father,
GMT
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
My good friend wrote this blog and I was compelled to re-post it. It's about accepting your lover the way they are and if change is going to happen it's going to happen with love and respect. My parents were married almost 50 years before my father passed away from cancer. While there were ups and downs and doubts in their marriage, the one thing they always showed each other is love and respect and yes they did "occasionally" act as if they accepted each other for who they were...:)
Click Here For Article
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Girl Effect
My five sisters were very lucky to have had the opportunity and love all women and people should have in this life... Some are not so lucky.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH VIDEO
CLICK HERE TO WATCH VIDEO
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The 5 Stages After a Breakup (Female)
Here’s a snapshot of a more complex phenomena, the 5 stages a female may go through after a breakup.
Stage One: Denial and Despair (D&D)
Shock and fear create a sense of denial. “I can’t believe this is happening to me,” and “This is just temporary, we’ll work it out,” followed by “he’ll come around.” Sadness, a sense of fear, and a ton of other emotions are looming.
Stage Two: Desperation, Panic, and Depression (DPD)
A realization that the break-up is really happening emerges. Efforts to save it kick in. Sadness, crying, depression, and loneliness run high and sponsor desperate behaviors and thoughts. Thoughts: I miss him, I love him, and I’ll never find anyone like him again. I don’t want to be alone. Self-doubt and self blame consumes the female. “What did I do?” “Am I not good enough?” “What could I’ve done differently and what can I do to show him I’m good for him?” The female tries to get him back by doing things for him she didn’t do while they were together. Female remains determined that relationship can be saved but is in panic survival mode.
Stage Three: Anger “F#ck You” Stage
“I am woman hear me roar” is this stage’s motto. Songs like Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive” were made because and for this stage. Female develops a cocky attitude towards her ex (it’s obvious, we can tell). She is tired of “trying” and being there for him without the results she wants – which is to be dating again. Nothing less will do for her. Therefore, “I need him” turns into “I don’t need that loser.” “I deserve better,” become the alternating mantra for the female and her girlfriends who are now her cheerleaders against the asshole, her ex. Girls Night Out becomes common and dating strange men is more than encouraged by her friends, it’s sometimes planned by them. The dating and attitude provides a sense of confidence. Look for behaviors such as “beginning a workout routine,” “shopping spree,” and or drastic hair change (A Cut or different hair style or both!). More make-up and revealing attire is apparent…and plenty of Apple Martini’s. Female may start to date one particular man continuously or many men to get over her “broken heart," and that "asshole."
Stage Four: Confusion
Thoughts: What am I doing? I don’t feel like myself. I miss my ex, but I like the new guy too. I miss the way we used to be together. We know each other, we have history. It’s not the same with this new dude. Remember ladies, a new guy is on his best behavior (hopefully) in the beginning and comparing that behavior to your ex’s at the end of the relationship may mislead you down a dark path. Female decides to break off the new relationship and decides she needs to date herself (Which is the right thing to do in my opinion).
Alternate Decision from Confusion:
Stage Four: Suppression and Love Bandaid.
Female decides to move forward with the new relationship and suppresses unresolved feelings for ex, good or bad. The relationship will continue until the female is completely involved with a new guy, but will always be sensitive when it comes to that particular ex for which she has not released her feelings.
***Warning: New relationships rarely have the legs to survive since many times it's based on irrational and emotional heartache and the need to feel loved and connected instead of solely on the merits of the new guy and new genuine connection and love. And besides, it's not fair to the new man not getting a true you without the emotional baggage.
Stage Five: Recovery
After dating herself and allowing herself to mourn and process the break-up, female is a new woman and ready for love in a real way. But the irony is that she doesn’t feel she needs to be in a relationship. In turn, she will become even more attractive to the opposite sex. She promises never to repeat stage four and other stages again after a break-up. (But most do repeat it, it’s inevitable). She will attract worthy potential mates and be in the position to create a wonderful, lasting, and loving relationship.
Personal Statement:
Ladies, mourn your loss, process those feelings and don’t start changing your life. Making drastic changes like going out to bars when you never did and acting out of character to deal with hurt feelings will only leave you feeling lonely, empty, and more importantly not yourself.
Keep as much of your life the same and intact after the break-up. Change, good or bad brings upon stress and anxiety and you don’t want to pile it on when you are most vulnerable. Experiencing a loss can throw anyone into a downward spiral of depression and negativity. It’s best to keep loyal to yourself and do the things you liked to do while giving yourself the time and allowance to feel and work through your emotional journey. Alcohol, acting out-of-character, going out more than usual, and the relentless dating a new guy quickly, could all be signs of acting out and will get you emotionally and physically exhausted. This will make it even harder to deal with remaining emotions and resentment you have for your ex. This will keep you stagnate and unable to move smoothly past your break-up to the life you really deserve.
The last thing you want to do is not be ready for a real relationship because you’re bogged down with leftover emotional crap and don't show up with an internal clean slate. You may even bring a lurking ex which is a huge relationship-killer. So be fair to your future new wonderful mate you plan to meet. Take time for yourself first to process your break-up without acting out. That is the time to think about your wants and desires, and who and where you want to be. You’ll also learn what you don’t like, what you do like, and how you can be a better version of yourself next time. You’ll thank yourself later for it. And so will the new man! Besides, they say never buy a car or a house when you are desperate for one, you’ll end up making horrible judgments.
Sure, go out, have fun, and live your life. Get the occasional needed attention from the opposite sex by wearing that black little dress you have been wanting to wear that your ex never complimented you on. But don’t lose yourself. Your ex and the emotions are not worth it. Your past relationship can offer valuable lessons for you if you reflect and perhaps a friendship with your ex later down the line (if you desire). So take the time for yourself before dancing to “I will survive,” every night, you’re worth it!
Love and Peace always...
(P.S. I've written the above because I have witnessed it as an ex, as the new guy, and as the female best friend.)
Stage One: Denial and Despair (D&D)
Shock and fear create a sense of denial. “I can’t believe this is happening to me,” and “This is just temporary, we’ll work it out,” followed by “he’ll come around.” Sadness, a sense of fear, and a ton of other emotions are looming.
Stage Two: Desperation, Panic, and Depression (DPD)
A realization that the break-up is really happening emerges. Efforts to save it kick in. Sadness, crying, depression, and loneliness run high and sponsor desperate behaviors and thoughts. Thoughts: I miss him, I love him, and I’ll never find anyone like him again. I don’t want to be alone. Self-doubt and self blame consumes the female. “What did I do?” “Am I not good enough?” “What could I’ve done differently and what can I do to show him I’m good for him?” The female tries to get him back by doing things for him she didn’t do while they were together. Female remains determined that relationship can be saved but is in panic survival mode.
Stage Three: Anger “F#ck You” Stage
“I am woman hear me roar” is this stage’s motto. Songs like Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive” were made because and for this stage. Female develops a cocky attitude towards her ex (it’s obvious, we can tell). She is tired of “trying” and being there for him without the results she wants – which is to be dating again. Nothing less will do for her. Therefore, “I need him” turns into “I don’t need that loser.” “I deserve better,” become the alternating mantra for the female and her girlfriends who are now her cheerleaders against the asshole, her ex. Girls Night Out becomes common and dating strange men is more than encouraged by her friends, it’s sometimes planned by them. The dating and attitude provides a sense of confidence. Look for behaviors such as “beginning a workout routine,” “shopping spree,” and or drastic hair change (A Cut or different hair style or both!). More make-up and revealing attire is apparent…and plenty of Apple Martini’s. Female may start to date one particular man continuously or many men to get over her “broken heart," and that "asshole."
Stage Four: Confusion
Thoughts: What am I doing? I don’t feel like myself. I miss my ex, but I like the new guy too. I miss the way we used to be together. We know each other, we have history. It’s not the same with this new dude. Remember ladies, a new guy is on his best behavior (hopefully) in the beginning and comparing that behavior to your ex’s at the end of the relationship may mislead you down a dark path. Female decides to break off the new relationship and decides she needs to date herself (Which is the right thing to do in my opinion).
Alternate Decision from Confusion:
Stage Four: Suppression and Love Bandaid.
Female decides to move forward with the new relationship and suppresses unresolved feelings for ex, good or bad. The relationship will continue until the female is completely involved with a new guy, but will always be sensitive when it comes to that particular ex for which she has not released her feelings.
***Warning: New relationships rarely have the legs to survive since many times it's based on irrational and emotional heartache and the need to feel loved and connected instead of solely on the merits of the new guy and new genuine connection and love. And besides, it's not fair to the new man not getting a true you without the emotional baggage.
Stage Five: Recovery
After dating herself and allowing herself to mourn and process the break-up, female is a new woman and ready for love in a real way. But the irony is that she doesn’t feel she needs to be in a relationship. In turn, she will become even more attractive to the opposite sex. She promises never to repeat stage four and other stages again after a break-up. (But most do repeat it, it’s inevitable). She will attract worthy potential mates and be in the position to create a wonderful, lasting, and loving relationship.
Personal Statement:
Ladies, mourn your loss, process those feelings and don’t start changing your life. Making drastic changes like going out to bars when you never did and acting out of character to deal with hurt feelings will only leave you feeling lonely, empty, and more importantly not yourself.
Keep as much of your life the same and intact after the break-up. Change, good or bad brings upon stress and anxiety and you don’t want to pile it on when you are most vulnerable. Experiencing a loss can throw anyone into a downward spiral of depression and negativity. It’s best to keep loyal to yourself and do the things you liked to do while giving yourself the time and allowance to feel and work through your emotional journey. Alcohol, acting out-of-character, going out more than usual, and the relentless dating a new guy quickly, could all be signs of acting out and will get you emotionally and physically exhausted. This will make it even harder to deal with remaining emotions and resentment you have for your ex. This will keep you stagnate and unable to move smoothly past your break-up to the life you really deserve.
The last thing you want to do is not be ready for a real relationship because you’re bogged down with leftover emotional crap and don't show up with an internal clean slate. You may even bring a lurking ex which is a huge relationship-killer. So be fair to your future new wonderful mate you plan to meet. Take time for yourself first to process your break-up without acting out. That is the time to think about your wants and desires, and who and where you want to be. You’ll also learn what you don’t like, what you do like, and how you can be a better version of yourself next time. You’ll thank yourself later for it. And so will the new man! Besides, they say never buy a car or a house when you are desperate for one, you’ll end up making horrible judgments.
Sure, go out, have fun, and live your life. Get the occasional needed attention from the opposite sex by wearing that black little dress you have been wanting to wear that your ex never complimented you on. But don’t lose yourself. Your ex and the emotions are not worth it. Your past relationship can offer valuable lessons for you if you reflect and perhaps a friendship with your ex later down the line (if you desire). So take the time for yourself before dancing to “I will survive,” every night, you’re worth it!
Love and Peace always...
(P.S. I've written the above because I have witnessed it as an ex, as the new guy, and as the female best friend.)
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
CHASING ALYSSA MILANO
I wrote a love letter to Alyssa Milano. The fact that she was the hottest teen actor at the time and millions of teenage boys wanted to meet her didn’t stop me from writing a very passionate and honest love letter to her. I thought perhaps I had a chance. That was only because I was about to actually meet her. Every Friday afternoon my friends and I would visit the set of Who’s The Boss. I’d become friendly with the guards, the page that worked there, even Tony Danza. After a while I didn’t even have to wait in line to get in. My parents would drop me off at 4pm and one of my sisters would pick me up around 10pm after the second taping of the show. It was Alyssa’s birthday and I thought it was the perfect day to give her that letter. I was invited onto the set by a friend after the show where they would sing happy birthday to Alyssa in front of a huge cake with a gazillion candles (really only about 11 or 12).
While some kids had posters of their teen heartthrobs on the wall like Kirk Cameron or Justine Bateman, I had mine right in front of me, smiling. I reached out my hand and said “Happy Birthday Alyssa.” I don’t think she noticed my shaking hands. We all started talking about nonsense. It was me, my friend, Alyssa Milano and the letter tucked away in my pocket. I don’t remember what the heck I was saying. All I could remember is thinking about the perfect time to give her that darn letter. I reached in my pocket, grabbed the letter and just as I was about to pull it out, Alyssa was called away by the director. Suddenly my friend also left to take a picture with another cast member. There I was alone letter in pocket. I decided to leave but I saw Danny Pintauro (Who played Alyssa’s brother on the show), standing alone with a piece of cake in hand. I had an idea. I asked Danny to give the letter to Alyssa and told him to tell her that the letter was from the boy she just met through our mutual friend and that it was very important that she get this letter on her birthday. Danny smiled politely and said “sure” in that prepubescent voice. My friend and I decided to leave.
We stood outside the studio for 45 minutes waiting for my sister to pick us up. Suddenly we see a white sedan pull out of the studio drive-way. In the back seat sat Alyssa Milano. At that moment my sister Vickie pulls up. She is the closest I had to having a brother, tough and beyond tomboy. We hopped in to my dad's orange station wagon. I told Vickie that Alyssa Milano was in the white car that was making a right on Gower Street. She looked back at us and said, “Well then, we should follow that car.” She slammed on the gas and we raced after the white sedan. She knew I liked Alyssa and I guess she thought… well I don’t know what the heck she was thinking to tell you the truth.
We were speeding up the 101 Freeway closing in on the white car. What was I trying to accomplish? This is stalking. What would happen when we caught up to the car? Was Alyssa supposed to step out of the car and run into my arms? Or was she going to throw her phone number into my window and signal me to call her that night? She would likely call the cops instead. We exited Coldwater Canyon and suddenly I felt that we were getting to close. “This is wrong” I said out loud. My sister slowed down and asked me if I wanted to stop or go after her. Even though the experience was like a car-chase scene from an 80’s movie like Weird Science and I was having an exciting time, I felt I had to stop. The truth was that my “chasing” had already taken place in a real way (and without being a 12 year old stalker.) While most admire celebrities from a far, I managed to bring my celebrity crush close, so close that I was able to meet her on her birthday and send her a love letter up close and personal. Well I never knew if the letter actually got to her and I’m sure it was one of a million she received (or maybe 1 in a million). The point is I made a fantasy come true in a real way, my innocent way. What was I actually expecting at age twelve anyway, that a TV actress and I would fall in love and live happily ever after? Come on! In my twenties I bumped into her at a local LA lounge. She walked past me and smiled. I nodded my head and smiled back with a drink in hand. I’m sure she didn’t remember one bit.
While some kids had posters of their teen heartthrobs on the wall like Kirk Cameron or Justine Bateman, I had mine right in front of me, smiling. I reached out my hand and said “Happy Birthday Alyssa.” I don’t think she noticed my shaking hands. We all started talking about nonsense. It was me, my friend, Alyssa Milano and the letter tucked away in my pocket. I don’t remember what the heck I was saying. All I could remember is thinking about the perfect time to give her that darn letter. I reached in my pocket, grabbed the letter and just as I was about to pull it out, Alyssa was called away by the director. Suddenly my friend also left to take a picture with another cast member. There I was alone letter in pocket. I decided to leave but I saw Danny Pintauro (Who played Alyssa’s brother on the show), standing alone with a piece of cake in hand. I had an idea. I asked Danny to give the letter to Alyssa and told him to tell her that the letter was from the boy she just met through our mutual friend and that it was very important that she get this letter on her birthday. Danny smiled politely and said “sure” in that prepubescent voice. My friend and I decided to leave.
We stood outside the studio for 45 minutes waiting for my sister to pick us up. Suddenly we see a white sedan pull out of the studio drive-way. In the back seat sat Alyssa Milano. At that moment my sister Vickie pulls up. She is the closest I had to having a brother, tough and beyond tomboy. We hopped in to my dad's orange station wagon. I told Vickie that Alyssa Milano was in the white car that was making a right on Gower Street. She looked back at us and said, “Well then, we should follow that car.” She slammed on the gas and we raced after the white sedan. She knew I liked Alyssa and I guess she thought… well I don’t know what the heck she was thinking to tell you the truth.
We were speeding up the 101 Freeway closing in on the white car. What was I trying to accomplish? This is stalking. What would happen when we caught up to the car? Was Alyssa supposed to step out of the car and run into my arms? Or was she going to throw her phone number into my window and signal me to call her that night? She would likely call the cops instead. We exited Coldwater Canyon and suddenly I felt that we were getting to close. “This is wrong” I said out loud. My sister slowed down and asked me if I wanted to stop or go after her. Even though the experience was like a car-chase scene from an 80’s movie like Weird Science and I was having an exciting time, I felt I had to stop. The truth was that my “chasing” had already taken place in a real way (and without being a 12 year old stalker.) While most admire celebrities from a far, I managed to bring my celebrity crush close, so close that I was able to meet her on her birthday and send her a love letter up close and personal. Well I never knew if the letter actually got to her and I’m sure it was one of a million she received (or maybe 1 in a million). The point is I made a fantasy come true in a real way, my innocent way. What was I actually expecting at age twelve anyway, that a TV actress and I would fall in love and live happily ever after? Come on! In my twenties I bumped into her at a local LA lounge. She walked past me and smiled. I nodded my head and smiled back with a drink in hand. I’m sure she didn’t remember one bit.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
"SEXING" CHRISTINA
I dedicated an R&B song to Christina Garcia. I was only 11 and I thought I could get my childhood love to at least like me. My older sister used to listen to R&B music and this one song in particular used to get her and her girlfriends to talk about boys in a way that I wanted Christina to talk about me. Things like “I wish he were here,” “He’s so cute,” “We danced to this song,” and others things I will not mention. So I stole the cassette tape from my sister’s silver boom-box with the huge speakers, put on my Casio watch and headed over to Christina’s house where a few of us from school were gathering for an afternoon. Yes, her mother was home but we were all hanging out in the family room where we could just be kids in private and play Atari. All I could think about is pulling Christina away into the den where the stereo was, play the cassette, and dedicate the song to her. Finally, with enough courage I told her to follow me into the den.
There we were all alone in the den. It was the moment of truth. I inserted the white cassette into the tape deck, pressed play, and said, “Christina I dedicate this song to you.” The song started playing, loudly. Christina looked at me with confusion and embarrassment. I suddenly felt my blood rush through my veins making me dizzy. In comes Christina’s Mother, Mrs. Garcia, “What the heck is going on in here?” she said with urgency. I told her I was just playing a song I wanted her daughter to hear. She quickly ejected the tape, then paused and looked at the tape for a moment. She then started to walk away and said she would make sure my mother got the tape back. Although she didn’t ask me if the tape was mine or not, I guess she realized an 11 year old couldn’t be the owner of such music. She ordered us to go and play with the other kids. After the initial fear subsided, Christina smiled at me from across the room. It was magic. I also remembered that for one moment while Mrs. Garcia held the tape in her hand she had a slight smirk on her face. It turned out that Christina’s mother loved that artist and song. In the end, I scored! Well not in that way, but in a way that was going to live on in my heart for a very long time. It was a scary road I took but I got Christina to smile at me and later I heard her girlfriend say that Christina thought I was “cool.” Sometimes you just have to take a risk, not give a sh*t and go for the one you want. I also realized that no matter the age, most women cannot resist a soulful song dedication. This is the song I dedicated to Christina.
There we were all alone in the den. It was the moment of truth. I inserted the white cassette into the tape deck, pressed play, and said, “Christina I dedicate this song to you.” The song started playing, loudly. Christina looked at me with confusion and embarrassment. I suddenly felt my blood rush through my veins making me dizzy. In comes Christina’s Mother, Mrs. Garcia, “What the heck is going on in here?” she said with urgency. I told her I was just playing a song I wanted her daughter to hear. She quickly ejected the tape, then paused and looked at the tape for a moment. She then started to walk away and said she would make sure my mother got the tape back. Although she didn’t ask me if the tape was mine or not, I guess she realized an 11 year old couldn’t be the owner of such music. She ordered us to go and play with the other kids. After the initial fear subsided, Christina smiled at me from across the room. It was magic. I also remembered that for one moment while Mrs. Garcia held the tape in her hand she had a slight smirk on her face. It turned out that Christina’s mother loved that artist and song. In the end, I scored! Well not in that way, but in a way that was going to live on in my heart for a very long time. It was a scary road I took but I got Christina to smile at me and later I heard her girlfriend say that Christina thought I was “cool.” Sometimes you just have to take a risk, not give a sh*t and go for the one you want. I also realized that no matter the age, most women cannot resist a soulful song dedication. This is the song I dedicated to Christina.
Monday, May 4, 2009
ON, "TOP" OF GIRLS
I used to call my T-Shirt a “Top.” As a boy, that was so embarrassing.
When I was in seventh grade, I was hanging out with a bunch of boys and I spilled some soda on my T-Shirt. However the words that came out of my mouth were “Oh shoot I spilled some soda on my TOP” The boys looked at me funny. One corrected me, “Your T-Shirt?” Thank god they were clueless about women in general and especially the terminology used for articles of clothing. Since then, I knew I was growing up with girls… and that girls had a whole different vocabulary than I. I was just a boy trying to figure out what the heck was going on… Lesson: Know your audience. J
GIRLS SPEAK CHINESE
Girls have a very unique way of communicating... at least to us men. They can say a thousand words with their silence... Ugh. Sometimes I can't stand it.
When I was a year old my sister (five years older) used to poke my eyes out. Later my mother told me that was her way of communicating and reaching out to me since she didn't know what to make of her new baby brother. Ever since then women have been "poking" my eyes out. Sometimes their way of communicating just "hurts."
Some woman to English translations (Men take note):
1. Pure Silence=This could mean anything but it's usually not good. So be warned
2. "No, nothing is wrong" = Yes, something is wrong and it's our (men) job to find out.
3. "I want to go out with the girls (or dancing)= I've had a long week and I need to feel beautiful and would love some attention, if it's from some men, so be it. (And if she talks about having an Apple Martini as of Thursday night, really look out men, you won't be seeing her on Friday.)
4. "I'm seeing/dating him"=I’m sleeping with him in consideration for a serious boyfriend.
5. "Whatever you want is fine"= We are going to do what I want but I don't want to sound "bitchy" or "demanding" OR, "Make a freak'n decision and offer me some options so I can decide!
Women, just be honest and clear. We can take it. The guy/man will want to give you all that you want if he's worth keeping. Speaking Chinese will only prolong the process of getting you what you want, and will cause men to be so frustrated to the point that they will not want to give you what you want in the end... I experienced the most peace and harmony when my sisters or past relationships were direct and clear with what they wanted. We also got along as a family and with so many siblings, and five of them being female, that was an accomplishment!
(Stay tuned for my Men translation including some of the above 5 sayings)
MANNYCURE
No, I'm not talking about a manicure or about the Dodgers home-run hitter, Manny Ramirez...
Girls, Men can not solve your problems and they can not cure a broken heart, a deficient self-esteem, or insufficient self-value, and "be" your happiness. I know most women may think they do not feel or believe that they themselves need a man...or they may change the word "need" to "want" in order to feel better about their "need" and often futile search for Mr. Right. But a loving relationship begins with a loving relationship with yourself first. In the end, marriage is not a goal or a destination. It's the product of a loving and romantic relationship. It's the result of two people committing to each other and their new creation called "US." Both men and women bring their unique gender perspective and talents that together will sustain a successful union. The paradox however is that both men and women "need" each other. It takes two to support the relationship, to create it, to nurture it, to sustain it's life... after all just like a flower, plant, or human, it is a living organism that continues to grow and bear for you the wonderful fruit of life and love.
My whole life women have been my support, love, and source of happiness. I was raised by five quirky and loving sisters and a nurturing mother. Women are also a source of drama and chaos. But I wouldn't have it any other way… Well maybe with less drama and chaos.
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