MAN Of The House- A Candid Mini-Rant

Ok, so I’m in my thirties and I’m really the only man of the house now after my father passed away. Growing up the only boy obviously made me special, something I call the Lion King Syndrome, where when born everyone comes bearing gifts for the soon to be King who will one day rule the kingdom. Well for me the kingdom turned out to be more of a jungle of females. But how long does having a penis make you special? There comes a time in life when you have to prove you’re a grown up and a grown-ass-man, especially in house ruled by women.

How does a boy grow up to be a man in a house full of women anyway? Even one of my sister is huskier then I and has more tools in her car than I do. I think she wanted a drill for Christmas as a child… My friend had two brothers who all had interest different then mine. While we both liked playing sports like baseball, I would prefer playing cards then wrestling and listening to music then tackle football.

Now as an adult, I still go back to my mother’s house eat lunch and dinner quite often, for one to be with my mother and two, well it’s easier than cooking. Now my sister with the drill and my other sister who’s a nurse live with my mother. I think as a family we are going backwards… Are we not supposed to move away as we get older and not move back into the house where we grew up? The good thing is they are there for my mother. And I go visit everyday.

Ok, so I recently got some tools and I’ve become a handy man around the house. I also cook and clean more now, not just for my own place but for my mother and the family house. She’s finally benefiting from having so many kids. As I once heard someone say, Latinos don’t let any child go to waste, they’ll find some chore for them to do, no matter how old they are. As a Latino man, educated, and family oriented, I do try to rise to the occasion as a man within a house full of women. But unfortunately I am perpetually outnumbered.

ON, "TOP" OF GIRLS

I used to call my T-Shirt a “Top.” As a boy, that was so embarrassing.

When I was in seventh grade, I was hanging out with a bunch of boys and I spilled some soda on my T-Shirt. However the words that came out of my mouth were “Oh shoot I spilled some soda on my TOP” The boys looked at me funny. One corrected me, “Your T-Shirt?” Thank god they were clueless about women in general and especially the terminology used for articles of clothing. Since then, I knew I was growing up with girls… and that girls had a whole different vocabulary than I. I was just a boy trying to figure out what the heck was going on… Lesson: Know your audience. J

GIRLS SPEAK CHINESE

Girls have a very unique way of communicating... at least to us men. They can say a thousand words with their silence... Ugh. Sometimes I can't stand it.

When I was a year old my sister (five years older) used to poke my eyes out. Later my mother told me that was her way of communicating and reaching out to me since she didn't know what to make of her new baby brother. Ever since then women have been "poking" my eyes out. Sometimes their way of communicating just "hurts."

Some woman to English translations (Men take note):

1. Pure Silence=This could mean anything but it's usually not good. So be warned

2. "No, nothing is wrong" = Yes, something is wrong and it's our (men) job to find out.

3. "I want to go out with the girls (or dancing)= I've had a long week and I need to feel beautiful and would love some attention, if it's from some men, so be it. (And if she talks about having an Apple Martini as of Thursday night, really look out men, you won't be seeing her on Friday.)

4. "I'm seeing/dating him"=I’m sleeping with him in consideration for a serious boyfriend.

5. "Whatever you want is fine"= We are going to do what I want but I don't want to sound "bitchy" or "demanding" OR, "Make a freak'n decision and offer me some options so I can decide!

Women, just be honest and clear. We can take it. The guy/man will want to give you all that you want if he's worth keeping. Speaking Chinese will only prolong the process of getting you what you want, and will cause men to be so frustrated to the point that they will not want to give you what you want in the end... I experienced the most peace and harmony when my sisters or past relationships were direct and clear with what they wanted. We also got along as a family and with so many siblings, and five of them being female, that was an accomplishment!

(Stay tuned for my Men translation including some of the above 5 sayings)

MANNYCURE

No, I'm not talking about a manicure or about the Dodgers home-run hitter, Manny Ramirez...

Girls, Men can not solve your problems and they can not cure a broken heart, a deficient self-esteem, or insufficient self-value, and "be" your happiness. I know most women may think they do not feel or believe that they themselves need a man...or they may change the word "need" to "want" in order to feel better about their "need" and often futile search for Mr. Right. But a loving relationship begins with a loving relationship with yourself first. In the end, marriage is not a goal or a destination. It's the product of a loving and romantic relationship. It's the result of two people committing to each other and their new creation called "US." Both men and women bring their unique gender perspective and talents that together will sustain a successful union. The paradox however is that both men and women "need" each other. It takes two to support the relationship, to create it, to nurture it, to sustain it's life... after all just like a flower, plant, or human, it is a living organism that continues to grow and bear for you the wonderful fruit of life and love.

My whole life women have been my support, love, and source of happiness. I was raised by five quirky and loving sisters and a nurturing mother. Women are also a source of drama and chaos. But I wouldn't have it any other way… Well maybe with less drama and chaos.