EX-RATED!

(The names of the exes have been omitted and stories have been combined and generalized and do not represent any one person or persons)

Exes should be called “Y’s” not “X” because after you break up with them the question is more like “whY was I ever with them?”

So you finally find the love of your life. You’re soul mate, well at least a potential soul mate. They are everything you have ever wanted; Brains, looks, and a personality that can charm a scrooge. The relationship is brand new and with it comes the butterflies, the excitement pumping through your veins in anticipation of seeing each other, and your mind is obsessed with their beautiful face whispering to you sweet everything’s…(it’s that way for me at least…)

There we are snuggling, loving, after having the most intimate, passionate, and even raunchy sex I’ll probably ever have with her because the relationship was new and looked promising. There’s just one thing that makes this wonderful union so obnoxious, so potentially threatening, and so irritating to the point that I would consider giving it all up and leaving just to get some piece of mind. This royal annoyance can only be one thing: Her interfering, obnoxious, self-absorbed, wanting to get back into her pants and heart, EX Boyfriend.

“Do you need to take his call now? I ask. “Yes, I’m sorry, it’s just that I needed some information from him, we may be working on some potential project together…” We weren’t even done with the after sex glow yet. Gosh! Ok, first it was a project, then his intrusion was because they had the same friends and it was difficult for her just stop talking to him, then it’s “I can’t just be mean to him,” and of course the absurd, “do you mind if we stop by my friend’s birthday party oh but it’s at my ex’s apartment.” Do you know what it’s like to see your new girlfriend know her way around her Y’s “new” apartment?

This person seemed to creep into OUR lives. To make things worse, of course her “Y” didn’t really like that she was with me, even though they were supposedly “done” with each other both emotionally and officially many moons ago. And I blame one person for this friction, drama, and huge stumps in our relationship. Her! Well, I blame myself for dealing with it really.

I am friendly with all my exes and I respect them. They respect me and they are truly out of my daily life. They especially do not meddle in my new relationships and I would not them. Why would I? And who cares? Just wish your Y well and really hope they are happy.

Secondly if your Y has a problem with you dating someone, then perhaps it’s not over for them. This is even more reason to distance yourself from your Y as to not further instigate hardship for you and your new mate. This is especially true if you want to start something meaningful with you new parnter. Another “Y” of mine actually drove by her Y’s house for some apparent reason behind my back. I found this out much later. But hell, at least he was not bothering us. Wait, maybe he was contacting her and I didn’t know about it? But who cares? It doesn’t matter if you’re hiding your “Y” from your new relationship or you are “keeping it open and real” as in “Hey my Y doesn’t mind if you don’t mind being at the same dinner table, we are all adults here,” it will end up hurting your relationship no matter what!

There’s an evolutionary factor at play here that is set up to protect our emotional, physical, and evolutionary interests. Protecting your new love from an old flame on either side is not about insecurity or jealousy; On the human level it’s about respect and demonstrating to your mate that you are focused on them and are committed to creating something together. New relationships need 100% focus, love, care, and no Y!

If you have kids or are in some other type of situation that is set up for a Y to be in your life, then I say yes, there are exceptions. Either way, respect and give attention to your significant other first before a “Y.” If you are single and without children, there’s no reason for Y to be involved.

I know we are attached to the people we date, especially if it was a long relationship or during a time in our lives that was particularity emotional or influential, but I suggest you stay single or date a lot after you break up with your Y. The point is just make sure your Y is not in the picture in any way. Hopefully you and your Y would be platonic distant friends before you decide to bring a new man into your life.

Otherwise, it’s freaking annoying and will no-doubt sabotage your chance at love. Perhaps you need to examine why she or he is still in your life. Heck, go back with them and try it again, just leave me alone and out of it. Don’t bring in your baggage or just have a small carry on at best. Have some respect for yourself and for your new mate. I know they will love you more for it. I know we men will. But of course I’m just speaking for myself.

Here are some general guidelines to dating when it comes to this subject. Don’t go out with someone who just broke up with their “Y” within less than six months before you. Never start a serious relationship with someone who still is involved with their “Y” as “friends.” Make sure you yourself clean up the “Y” before you go out and find yourself a new serious partner as to not bring your baggage to the table.

Is He The One For You?

Is He The One For You?

My sisters always talked about the type of guys they wanted... but based on who they selected, it seems as if they've must of seen someting different in them than what they've imagined. For the better of course...

Here's an article from yahoo dating on signs that he's not the one! Take the info for what's it's worth.

The Biology of Dating: Why Him, Why Her?

The Biology of Dating: Why Him, Why Her?

Interesting book by author of Why We Love, Helen Fisher.

Find out:
• WHY you are attracted to certain people
• WHICH chemicals predispose your brain and your heart
• WHO is the best match for your personality type
• WHAT you should look for in a potential mate
• HOW you can use biology and nature to find real love

and more...

Women Being Normal?

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being." Oscar Wilde said that. However, the first time I heard this quote was from a woman. Then I began to see other women on networking sites with this same quote. After growing up with girls and a recovering serial relationship artist, I tend to believe there is some truth to this quote. What scares the crap out of me though is that woman certainly do believe it and love that quote. Perhaps the quote makes them feel that they are a sweet anomaly for us men. But do women actually think they are abnormal when it comes to relationships and the social constructs of love? I find woman, let's just say challengingly perfect. But we still love you girls - that actually makes us even more perfectly abnormal.

Some Kind Of Wonderful-Kiss

I used to think Mary Stuart Masterson was pretty and this movie and scene was a romantic guide post in my teens as I started to create my own John Hughes moments...Uh, thanks to my sisters...

MAN Of The House- A Candid Mini-Rant

Ok, so I’m in my thirties and I’m really the only man of the house now after my father passed away. Growing up the only boy obviously made me special, something I call the Lion King Syndrome, where when born everyone comes bearing gifts for the soon to be King who will one day rule the kingdom. Well for me the kingdom turned out to be more of a jungle of females. But how long does having a penis make you special? There comes a time in life when you have to prove you’re a grown up and a grown-ass-man, especially in house ruled by women.

How does a boy grow up to be a man in a house full of women anyway? Even one of my sister is huskier then I and has more tools in her car than I do. I think she wanted a drill for Christmas as a child… My friend had two brothers who all had interest different then mine. While we both liked playing sports like baseball, I would prefer playing cards then wrestling and listening to music then tackle football.

Now as an adult, I still go back to my mother’s house eat lunch and dinner quite often, for one to be with my mother and two, well it’s easier than cooking. Now my sister with the drill and my other sister who’s a nurse live with my mother. I think as a family we are going backwards… Are we not supposed to move away as we get older and not move back into the house where we grew up? The good thing is they are there for my mother. And I go visit everyday.

Ok, so I recently got some tools and I’ve become a handy man around the house. I also cook and clean more now, not just for my own place but for my mother and the family house. She’s finally benefiting from having so many kids. As I once heard someone say, Latinos don’t let any child go to waste, they’ll find some chore for them to do, no matter how old they are. As a Latino man, educated, and family oriented, I do try to rise to the occasion as a man within a house full of women. But unfortunately I am perpetually outnumbered.

CHASING ALYSSA MILANO

I wrote a love letter to Alyssa Milano. The fact that she was the hottest teen actor at the time and millions of teenage boys wanted to meet her didn’t stop me from writing a very passionate and honest love letter to her. I thought perhaps I had a chance. That was only because I was about to actually meet her. Every Friday afternoon my friends and I would visit the set of Who’s The Boss. I’d become friendly with the guards, the page that worked there, even Tony Danza. After a while I didn’t even have to wait in line to get in. My parents would drop me off at 4pm and one of my sisters would pick me up around 10pm after the second taping of the show. It was Alyssa’s birthday and I thought it was the perfect day to give her that letter. I was invited onto the set by a friend after the show where they would sing happy birthday to Alyssa in front of a huge cake with a gazillion candles (really only about 11 or 12).

While some kids had posters of their teen heartthrobs on the wall like Kirk Cameron or Justine Bateman, I had mine right in front of me, smiling. I reached out my hand and said “Happy Birthday Alyssa.” I don’t think she noticed my shaking hands. We all started talking about nonsense. It was me, my friend, Alyssa Milano and the letter tucked away in my pocket. I don’t remember what the heck I was saying. All I could remember is thinking about the perfect time to give her that darn letter. I reached in my pocket, grabbed the letter and just as I was about to pull it out, Alyssa was called away by the director. Suddenly my friend also left to take a picture with another cast member. There I was alone letter in pocket. I decided to leave but I saw Danny Pintauro (Who played Alyssa’s brother on the show), standing alone with a piece of cake in hand. I had an idea. I asked Danny to give the letter to Alyssa and told him to tell her that the letter was from the boy she just met through our mutual friend and that it was very important that she get this letter on her birthday. Danny smiled politely and said “sure” in that prepubescent voice. My friend and I decided to leave.

We stood outside the studio for 45 minutes waiting for my sister to pick us up. Suddenly we see a white sedan pull out of the studio drive-way. In the back seat sat Alyssa Milano. At that moment my sister Vickie pulls up. She is the closest I had to having a brother, tough and beyond tomboy. We hopped in to my dad's orange station wagon. I told Vickie that Alyssa Milano was in the white car that was making a right on Gower Street. She looked back at us and said, “Well then, we should follow that car.” She slammed on the gas and we raced after the white sedan. She knew I liked Alyssa and I guess she thought… well I don’t know what the heck she was thinking to tell you the truth.

We were speeding up the 101 Freeway closing in on the white car. What was I trying to accomplish? This is stalking. What would happen when we caught up to the car? Was Alyssa supposed to step out of the car and run into my arms? Or was she going to throw her phone number into my window and signal me to call her that night? She would likely call the cops instead. We exited Coldwater Canyon and suddenly I felt that we were getting to close. “This is wrong” I said out loud. My sister slowed down and asked me if I wanted to stop or go after her. Even though the experience was like a car-chase scene from an 80’s movie like Weird Science and I was having an exciting time, I felt I had to stop. The truth was that my “chasing” had already taken place in a real way (and without being a 12 year old stalker.) While most admire celebrities from a far, I managed to bring my celebrity crush close, so close that I was able to meet her on her birthday and send her a love letter up close and personal. Well I never knew if the letter actually got to her and I’m sure it was one of a million she received (or maybe 1 in a million). The point is I made a fantasy come true in a real way, my innocent way. What was I actually expecting at age twelve anyway, that a TV actress and I would fall in love and live happily ever after? Come on! In my twenties I bumped into her at a local LA lounge. She walked past me and smiled. I nodded my head and smiled back with a drink in hand. I’m sure she didn’t remember one bit.